Paging all readers - Winter has arrived.... Today!

So i write to you today as i watch the snow piling up outside. Mother nature was kind enough to give us a dumping of snow when it wasn't needed. It's cold outside and the weather is chilly. A damp cold that soaks into your bones and makes you cold for hours. Everyone was worried about the weather but i don't think that the town really prepared for it. Roads are covered with white powder and possibly some ice. Cars hardly want to turn over if they have been left outside in the cold for the night. The wind has a slight howl to it, as if it is trying to communicate with some ungodly force. The plastic put up on my balcony crumples every so often, a constant reminder or a good morning hello. The windows have snowflakes on them and are slightly frosted. Lucky for me i have a heating pad on my bed (thanks Mum!) so i don't have to go to sleep cold and lay in a cold bed. When my fingers stop the rhythmic beat of typing there is a sort of deafening silence. It's not eerie. It's almost comforting. Doors trying to hold themselves shut can do only one thing, which is quietly bang while they try to keep the wind and cold out from their home owners. The trees have a beautiful type of silohette(?) to them. They are covered in white but you can see the grey outline of the branches and the bulk of the tree. As i peer out my window for a glance at the winter wonderland that has been created within the last twelve hours, i watch as snow tries to stay on a roof but ends up being blown off creating a mystical and fantasy-like effect.

My roomy lays in his bed curled up with a favourite pillow that has been helping him sleep better. His head peacefully lying on the pillow, while his body is wrapped tightly in the duvet. Abby rests at his feet because she is obsessed with him. Zoe is nestled into her blanket on the deck of her condo apartment. It's like she is in the tropics, and she is enjoying the heat and loving the sun. None of that is provided though at my house, only i get to vacay to the tropics and see my best friend in the whole wide world. I get to escape for a short period of time and live on paradise island, or that's what it should be called. The only light in the apartment is what is coming from the windows, and of course my computer screen! At the end of the hall a door is slightly perched open, I wonder what lies behind it.... what do you think?

uh...... about that......

well, i am not running on very much sleep today. somehow when i was trying to make myself stay up later i forgot to take my night time pills, therefore, no sleep.

i am in a situation where i don't want to be. The stress from having my 'roomy' is causing me to be sick. i am already sick and cannot get better because of the stress causing me problems. leaving the house is a challenge lately because i feel that terrible. i would mostly like to relax, have a massage and go to sleep. maybe i can sleep away my troubles! anyway, so since my roomy is a good cause of me being sick mum wants this person out now. The faster they are out the sooner i can start getting better.

how do you tell a person to leave? you can't just be like, "So the weather is grey today but you know you need your stuff out in the next 2 hours....."
if i am going to do this i need courage...
why am i having such reasonable doubts about doing so, this is not good either...

what would you do, in this situation?

He's A Pain in the ass.... I'm looking for this.......

here it is...... the truth............
i need help, i am starting to not like living with someone

i go to bed fairly early as of late, but sometimes if i do it the dishes are done and clean. Everything is drying on the rack and sparkling. I usually like to make sure my kitchen is like that on the most, before i go to bed. Sure, there are times when i can't be bothered the dishes. Yesterday morning though, I did the dishes and the kitchen looked amazing. Then, he came home and made lunch and there hasn't been a dish done since. Now, it is the next day and my kitchen is disgusting, i just might put on the mits and clean the dishes. Can't stand it sometimes.

the next issue which i don't like is simple. Ask before you bring anyone over? And please don't bring people over that i have told you repeatedly not to. Well last night was a topper, he brought over someone that is not to be here and then let them stay over! hello, paging mr rude boy. Yeah we may have fucked but you don't get to start being like my boyfriend and inviting people over just because they are your friends. You live on my turf and there are certain things that i like to keep the way they are. He has not said that sexual repayment is on the table so yes there are still some things he has to obey, or he can ..............leave?

Since when did the younger generations get so rude. They don't care about anything they do to anyone. They expect everything on a silver platter. Moody just 'cause. The people that are my age are very rarely like that. We are pretty much a generation of hard workers, who believe chivalry is not dead, oh yeah we have kids before 3o, sometimes more then one. I haven't quite yet completed the last point but i am 26... that's 4 more years but i also have a burning desire to not have kids in my 20's at all.


LIFE & TIMES OF S.G.
AD SECTION

WANTED:
-a guy that can fulfill a extremely sexual woman
-a guy who can cook, for when i don't want to
-a guy who loves me for me, flaws and all
-a guy who likes cats, b/c i have 2
-a guy who is calm, but likes to randomly have an outburst of laughter
-a guy who is mature, age is not an issue, it's maturity level
-a guy who likes to cuddle when watching a movie
-a guy who likes to randomly go out for dinner at interesting places
-a guy who can be emotional when necessary but not over the top, so i don't want any emotional baggage added to my life, already have a set of my own
-a guy who gives the type of hug that makes me melt like a popsicle on a hot day
-a guy who advances on a girl at random times, i don't want to have to be doing all the work by myself
*there are other statements that follow but i am not going to write them because if you fit all the first statements then we might have a good chance! so you move onto the next round!

a bland variation of everything and a small dash of rant

Today, gee, lets talk about today.

I have done some cleaning up, dishes, etc. Had some lunch and took my bronchitis medication.

Yesterday I had a doctor appointment with my family dr. I had created a list that I wanted to talk to her about. There were 6 issues on the list. When she came in she made a fuss about my lack of a voice and then checked my chest and came to the conclusion that i have bronchitis. I wanted to talk to her about how stress is affecting my body, acid reflux problems and renew a puffer. She renewed the puffer and automatically prescribed stronger medication for my acid reflux. Also, she made a point about me making another appointment to come back to check my chest to see if i need a chest x-ray. Then as soon as i think about getting a chest x-ray i think i am going to end up getting told i have lung cancer because i smoke a lot. That isn't running through my mind all the time but a good portion it is.

I was really disappointed how my doctor was late for my appointment and then could hardly spend 2 mins with me. I told the receptionist when i was booking my appointment that i had issues that i wanted to talk to my doctor about and that there was a variety not just one thing. Yes, that's fine. Then at my appointment, I am made to feel like a inconvenience. Gee that's appropriate.....NOT!

I was talking to my mum about this incident and the fact that i was really disappointed with my doctor and her performance. Mum informed me that's all appointments are like now. The doctor doesn't want to take the time and talk to you they want you in and out asap so they get whatever pay-grade for your appointment even though it's only 2 mins and is supposed to be 10-15. I get it they are trying to scam the government to get as any appointments in the day as possible, because there is a fee for each one and depending on what happens they can charge you differently.

Government provided healthcare is supposed to be a perk here in the country of Canada. When doctors do what they can to beat the system and are still getting drug endorsement bonuses, is that really what it should be about. Doctors need to improve their bedside manor and compassion issues with their clients. My doctor has been very good until this appointment in which i am referring to. I just thought she was different then the average bad doctor you hear about. I will have to report back next week so that I can tell you whether or not it's the same bad behaviour or she gets a one time freebie. Healthcare has really got a ton of improvements to make, too bad no one really bitches about it enough to get any response.\

Next topic.... I am in love with marilyn monroe and her beauty. What i would do to meet her if she was still alive. She was a true beauty, not just one of those twiggy, skinny type girls that are so popular now. Her sassiness is what really does it for me. Her looks and expressions are price-less, some that are known as historical even.

So i was prescribed some horse pills for my bronchitis, which i assure you is not contagious. I was told to take it with food, so it was suggested that i take it with dinner since it is the biggest meal of the day. Lately though, i haven't been hungry a lot. I just don't have the desire to eat. Sometimes i get cravings for things but it's not like i will eat a huge amount and feel sick. I just don't have a desire or will to eat which i have to say i find a little bit creepy because I love food and i love a variety of foods. Tastes and flavours, shapes and colours. It's all an experience every time you eat. I miss my want for food but this may help me with losing weight because i might eat 4 small meals rather then 2-3 big meals. That's what the diet books say is more frequent and smaller meals are better for you. Since i was sick, originally i lost 20 pounds, can't blame me i was puking and shitting it up and out so of course i wasn't going to gain any weight. I have weighed myself a few times and i am still around the original weight when i lost the 20 lbs though so that's good. Just have to keep it here or lower would still be nice. I need to exercise and tone more though. Hopefully i am not one of those unlucky people who have extra skin or saggy skin. I do have some extra baggage on my body that i would like to get rid of though. I will keep trying as best i can. I am surprised that i have done so well, so maybe there are bonuses to being and getting sick........... Still doesn't feel very nice though!

At one point i was getting jealous of my roommate for talking to another girl but i am not today. I just don't care today. I might tomorrow, who knows. Yes i did stuff with my room mate. It was interesting and something that i would consider a good thing but he may not. I don't have the dream body and all that but i am a nice person and i have other skills, wink wink, spank spank! I am proud that i have some skills those are a little asset! Too bad i don't have a man servant that could fulfill all my needs and wants. Sounds like a paradise! A nice, crisp, warm paradise. Damn, my brain is going to a totally different place now. Maybe i should go chill out in the bedroom, maybe have a nap or something although i don't think that is something that is going to happen. I have no idea why?

so...

So I am up and awake at 721 am.

I have done my morning pop so i feel fab right now.

My roommate lays in his bed fast asleep. I sit at my comp typing quitely away. He's rolling over it may be too early to be making a post. Oh well, this is my house, I can do whatever i please....right?

It has rained all last night and this morning.... boo! Another boo thing is i have to visit my dr today to see about a few things. I am still voiceless which is a concern for a few people. Honestly though it makes learning sign language seem more practical everyday! Have to start looking into that, i may have a connection that i might be able to use.

I got some christmas ideas started and going. Just have to put a few more into motion. Christmas won't be so bad this year. Just wait til my Betty Crocker identity comes back! Yum yums for every one.

december 1st .........arghhhh

Ask me how i feel today?

Well, a good mixture of anger, confusion, blah, meh, and then there's my brain running thoughts constantly through my head.

I have a 'room mate' now. He's a sort of 'friend' and I couldn't see him go out with nowhere to go. Some, well most, think that i am being taken advantage of. I might be, I might not be. I don't really know what to say. One thing that happened 2 days a go is i had sex with him. I was impressed to a certain extent. Some things he needs to brush up on or 'learn'. It was kinda like porn sex what we had, there were a few change positions. I will admit that it was pretty hot though. It was random, it was a good demonstration of sexuality. We have been living in my apartment for 2 weeks and we had both thought about it and then we just decided that it was something we should try. I'm not going to go into anymore detail because some people might get offended and i would just rather not.

My mum went and had a talk with her therapist yesterday. She had a lot to talk about. Understandly, she finds my situation not good and she's just watching out for me like any good parent would do. She's concerned, she cares, she has gotten a negative read on the person staying with me and sometimes i really believe she is right. It's taken her a while to get to read people and the odd one will slip by the odd time but she's a good spotter in my life!

Things with my dad are weird. I don't want to say anything that will upset him or trigger him to have a tantrum but there's not really much to talk about. I am being honest with both my parents though and i feel a bit better. I'm not hiding or skirting around something if they ask i just tell them the truth. They are allowed to have their feelings just like any other person would have, but they have to realize that i am telling them the truth. Sometimes the truth is not pretty but it's the truth, things are just what they are. I don't know how to resolve the situation or tackle it. In a way i want it to be dealt with but i don't want to go through the upset it will cause .

I sit here at my laptop station writing to you while he plays the newest call of duty game. I chipped half the money because “i would like it and be able to play it”, haven't done that once and don't really care to play it. It's not my style. So as i writed this to you my brain is saying, man he's got it easy. Play games all day, eat, and whatever else. He doesn't pay for anything because he has no job, and i understand what that's like but there are some links he has to a possible job and he's just not following it. I wish i could get a job right now but several people say that i am too stressed and not physically and mentally able for a job. I would like to do something.............really..............please? The bonus of having some income and money of my own would also be a bonus. Then I wouldn't have to be so reliant on the mom and pop shop for monetary contributions.

Today is a hazy brain day. Things are running too fast and i am just stuck on the medium setting for the day. I need to start letting some things come out. I need to write more again. I need to vent to an audience, whether you comment or not, i know i have some followers. I appreciate all that you have done to stick with me through this long time of on and off posts. I know what it's like when you are following something and all you get is the same shit that you have already read 400 times. I need to get my act together, you are a silent audience, but i can still vent my stuff to you and feel better.

Like now, for example, i feel a little less stressed for the next 2 mins! And i'm going out for a smoke so that's another 2 mins!

It's Called "I Just Don't Feel Well"....

Sitting here at the computer desk, while i sip my neo citran and wait for my night time medication to kick in, I thought I should write a blog post to my readers.

Yeah so there's swine flu out there, needles for it and antibiotics. There's germs out there, a variety of viruses, and some copycat illnesses.

I have a cold and it's tough because i also have asthma.

What are my thoughts on the swine flu?..... Well I think that the clinics are gross but are necessary. I am paranoid to get it, I'm not going to lie. A person i know has it and is confined to their bedroom and they have been feeling like hell. Another person i know thought she had it but it was a copycat of the swine flu but wasn't the swine flu. So there's 2 sides to the coin. Just depends which side lands up for you after you flip it.

Knowing that everything is airborne and that illnesses are running rampant in the population, maybe now would be a perfect time to turn into a hermit. There are bonuses, just think about it. The down side is no one comes over and i become a hermit minus the hunched back.

My symptoms:
-I just don't feel well (Stuffy sinuses, headaches and pressure, muscle sore, sore throat and it's yucky, barfing, shitting, all the regular symptoms of getting sick for me!)

I was a lucky kid, I got to be the one with a life threatening blood disorder. I was always sick. Missed tons of school. Had terrible anxiety that had all the symptoms of being sick.

So basically my point with this post is that sick can relate to many things but it doesn't always mean the worst. I am going to keep putting in my worry box that i am afraid to get sick and that's all the time i will allow it.

Time to finish my neo citran..........