The Trigger of Anger

Dear Reader,

I am just going to write what is on my mind right now.

Anger, rage, frustration, disgruntlement, agitation.

Each word describes how I am feeling right now. I am a writer and I am going to try and use my new found talent to help myself till about noon today. When you feel the anger come on, how does it feel? For me I feel like a pot on the stove when the lid is left on and it’s boiling madly. The steam is coming out from what little space is left around the rim. Sometimes if left on the heat for too long the lid will explode from the rest of the pot making a hot water type of bomb. Sometimes I get so angry that I get to the point when I see red, sometimes that goes even further and I go into what is called a white rage. During these episodes people should really stay away from you because you can’t begin to predict what is going to happen or what you might do.

Today my anger is brought on by my mum’s boyfriend staying over at the house. I was having trouble with it last night and chose to hermit in my room after dinner so that I would avoid seeing them. This morn I go up to get a drink and rally around a bit and I can tell that he has slept over. I have been getting along with him well I guess you could say. Some of the time I don’t believe I am genuine, I just want to try and get along and be a good house guest since my mum has taken me in to avoid more confrontation with my dad. Last night I was hoping that mum and I would be able to have a nice dinner together and such, and then we spend time waiting around for BOZO to show up because he had an hours drive to get here. When I told my mum that I couldn’t handle it she acted weird, but I told her to stop interrupting and just listen to me. Now I realize that going to my dad’s place in this time of anger may not be the best idea but at least I have my office, bedroom and animals to hermit with. Maybe this will give me the break that I need to move out of this anger phase. The thought of BOZO staying here right now infuriates me, I can here him walking around and puttering about and I am ready to blow my stack.

To resolve the problem I am writing, maybe you don’t want to hear any of this but then again maybe you can identify with some of the ideas and such that I am talking about. This post is not really about how out of control my feelings are or such, it’s about how I feel when certain things are bothering me and continue to bother me. Many of you readers I’m sure have felt the same thing. Another way that I am resolving the problem is that I am going to my other house to get time away, then my mum can have her boyfriend over whenever she wants and it won’t be in my face. Not that mum was doing it intentionally but I just got to a point where all I see is this guy over at the house all the time, I rarely get to spend time with my mum and that makes me a bit sad. I think I am making a good decision…..I think.

Updates, Get Your Updates!

Dear Reader,

I am very sorry, I have left you in a limbo like no other. You are probably gripping your keyboard and giving it a shake wishing I would write a post. Well today is your day, I am going to write a post and give you some updates and such.

SELF PUBLISHING WORKSHOP

January 26, was the self publishing workshop. It was really good. I will admit there were some really annoying people asking questions that the host had answered and what not, but overall really made me considering self publishing the book I am working on. There are so many formats and choices you can make for your book and publish it professionally minus the costs. What a great idea….so glad I went!

KME & AVIS

My student and her mount are coming along really well. They have actually decided they mesh really well together and can count on one another. A couple weeks ago I sent Kme over a 4 ft jump to see how she would far. It was a fairly open oxer and kind of intimidating, but it worked out amazing. Avis ended up jumping it 5 ft instead of the four and he was trying his little heart out. We got a hold of the Trillium season that Kme would like to show in and it’s pretty hardcore. She’s definitely looking forward to what is in store for her this year. Let’s hope the team jumps to the occasion.

CURRENT READING MATERIAL

So I am reading this book about the bridal industry in the US. I must for an industry that grosses $161 billion per year, I find it quite criminal. In one chapter they are stating that the middle of the road bride wants to spend $28,000 on her wedding. Now I think that amount is quite a lot because that would make a nice down payment on a house, send a kid to college, something, hell anything. I just think that when stats are saying that 3 out of 4 marriages break up, spending that much on a wedding is a complete waste. Now yes to each their own, I understand that concept very well but come ladies there are other ways to make that day special.

CONSIDERATION

I am considering putting my visual book shelf link from facebook onto my blog. This way you can get updates on reading and reviews, then basically I only have to do the review once. Some feedback would be nice…let me know what sounds good.

PARTING WORDS

So dear reader, I have got you up to date on what has been going on. Not a whole lot, not much excitement. I will try and keep on top of the blogging better. Please accept my apologies. Love you dear reader, thanks for being true!

DON'T WASTE THE PRETTY GIRLS

Dear Reader,

The last post was about a guy from my past and that my lesson was learned. Well I thought my lesson was learned and that I was going to stay away from this guy…ha not so easy. I was going to message him the other day and then I didn’t but tonight my will power failed greatly. I messaged him and it was a big mistake because I should have just let well enough alone. I finished reading HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I read this book to stick with my last post and be strong and I really did learn a lot from the book again. It got me thinking about people from my past and things that are going on currently. It would appear that both the guys that were ‘into me’ are clearly not. It’s a tough pill to swallow when you come to the realization that a guy isn’t into you, he may be into the idea of you but not the real thing. So for the ladies that check out my blog a bit I am going to put up the a few things that I learned from the book. (*Note that these things are quoted directly from the book and if you think about it they do make sense)

STANDARD SUGGESTIONS
- I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.
- I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
- I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me.
- I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
- I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
- I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future.
- I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
- I will not date a man who is married.
- I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good kind, loving person.

(Reader- I will admit to you now, I have broken every suggestion except the married man one. It’s sad but it’s true.)

SEEMINGLY INNOCENT WORDS AND PHRASES THAT CAN ALSO BE USED FOR EVIL

(Key for below) Word - WHAT IT SHOULD MEAN: - WHAT IS SOMETIMES MEANS:
Friend- I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. -I’m just not that into you.
Busy- I was just inaugurated president of the United States today.- I’m just not that into you.
Bad Boy -A guy you should stay away from. -A guy you should stay away from.
I’m not ready -I can’t find my pants. -I’m just not that into you.
Call me -I just dropped my cell phone in the ocean and I lost your number. -I’m just not that into you.
Not into family- I don’t want to date your mom. -I’m just not that into you.
Fear of intimacy -A fear of being intimate. -I’m just not that into you.

(Reader- I will admit again that I have had every single one of these excuses. Why I fell for that stupid bullshit I have no idea, there’s a variety of reasons for sure.)

None of us women should be running around chasing guys that don’t want to put the time and effort into us like we are willing to do for them. (Funny enough as I write this post I am listening to the song HURTS TO LOVE YOU by the Philosopher Kings) Fate can be a real stunner sometimes and it can knock you on your ass big time. This is not the first time I have been disappointed that a guy was not into me but geez I keep falling for it. You would think I would learn my lesson, I just don’t know why it’s not sticking

The best quote I got from this book was

DON’T WASTE THE PRETTY

On a side note, I had a pretty good Christmas. My parents and I spent the day together yesterday. The day was filled with lots of good food and other good things. My mum watched Mr. Beans Holiday and found it medium and even though we didn’t have a Christmas tree a very dear person gave me a tree that can be used for every Christmas and it doesn’t take a lot to put up….THANK YOU! A shout out to my parents for giving me really good gifts but having a good day with me! The dogs loved their gifts and the cats haven’t really realized there’s gifts for them yet. Today wasn’t too bad, I helped out with the barn but then I did a whole lot of nothing. I took some pics of the farm and how the frost was on the trees, some good ones for the collection. The top half of the blog post really explains how I am feeling though.

Lesson Learned

Dear Reader,

I did one of the silliest things that I have ever done last night. I actually met up with a guy from my past, our history was bad, and then brought him home without my dad knowing. I feel uber guilty for what I did, and a few people are disappointed with me, most of all I am disappointed in myself. Letting this person in my house while dad was sleeping was a huge sign of disrespect for my father. I am not going to tell him because he would lose it right now if I did and that would be the end of me probably. I told two people that are close to me and they are not happy with the decision I made and quite frankly neither am I. I thought this person had really changed and was trying to be different, but I am going to say this to you reader…. I am very fragile right now. For those who know me and have talked to me they know the reasons, for you reader I will just keep it in easy going terms (…I am fragile).If you reader asked me why I did what I did, I can’t really tell you what possessed me. I was so anxious that all I could do the entire time was shake like a leaf. Nothing happened and my 2nd virginity is still in tact. Maybe I was trying to rebel, maybe it was impulse, maybe it was something I don’t really know or understand yet. The first step is admitting that I did something wrong, and I fully take responsibility. The second step is making sure I don’t find myself in the same situation with the same person. This might be hard but this is where I need to think about myself, what I can handle and what the future may lead to. For myself I need to say no because I need to have confidence, dignity and respect for me so that I don’t put myself in that situation again. The idea of being able to handle the situation is out of the question, I plain out cannot handle it or the drama it will bring. For the future I think this would lead me in the wrong direction, make things at home worse then they already are with my dad, and it could lead to me getting burned.

I have to be strong and stand up for myself, and that’s what I need to keep repeating in my mind. I have to think of how an adult would handle the situation, and I clearly did not handle it like an adult. I handled the situation like a rebellious teenager. A rebellious teenager I am not. Sticking with my beliefs and ‘guns’ is what will make me stronger and let me learn from this situation, and that’s what I have to do… no other options with suffice.

TRIBUTE TO WRIT 1900

Dear Reader,

I have a story to tell and it is regarding my eventful night. Here it goes

TRIBUTE TO WRIT 1900

I write this with a tear making a slow and steady path down my cheek. I feel a sense of loss but there is no real loss only plenty of gain. I’ve learned through experience and met people who I’ve made friendships with that are very special.

Tonight was the last night of my Creative Writing class taught by Dorothea Helms. We had a variety of guests: a published fiction writer, a travel writer/screenplay writer, a teacher and writer of health issues, an accountant who dabbles as a writer and is awaiting to have a novel published, a published dairy farm owner, a writer of computer and automotive journalism, and last but certainly not least a writer for a travel magazine as well as a woodworking magazine. We as a class were delighted to be in the company of such writers and their creative minds. Inspirations flowing from many forums and through many veins, not being able to pinpoint a single source, we as a class were mesmerized. These people not only shared their experience and ideas but most of them read a piece that they had written. This was important to me the most because every writer has a different voice and even though these people were from all different walks, I could see a tiny bit of my own voice repeated in theirs. Creativity coming out of every pore, eyes staring in awe, brains working to comprehend a dream that is now reachable. The speakers tonight did not only make writing a reality to us, me especially, but they also inspired us each in a different way to push on.

Many thanks go through my mind when thinking about the past ten weeks that the course has been running. Thanks to Dorothea for jumpstarting something in me that I do not know what power it possesses or where it will take me, but I am willing to pilot the ride. Thanks to several classmates who I bonded with, you guys were there for me and I really appreciate every word and every sentence you said to me. Each of you a talent hidden like a diamond in the rough, yet Dorothea has come and uncovered you making your talent a little bit more known then before. The hugs and care you guys gave me meant more then words can say.

I, Sarah Gall, am a writer. I know not where my path leads me but like Robert Frost’s The Road Less Travelled, I am that traveler gazing down the two paths. Unsure where each will lead me, I take the road less traveled and am waiting with patience to see what trysts, stories and triumphs it has to offer.

YippyKyYeahhhhhhh!!!!!

Dear Reader,

Well I’m going to get straight to the point because I really didn’t do anything exciting last night and I wanted to try and get to bed a little earlier because I had to get up early this morn.

Movie Review – LIVE HARD, DIE FREE

This was a great movie. It was probably the best out of the die hard trilogy. Bruce Willis is a bit deranged but some of the stunts and crap that he goes through he pretty amazing. I bet he got beat up a little bit making this movie but it was totally worth it. This movie’s plot involved a lot of computer/technology based stuff but for us non-techies it was completely fine. Really it added to the action because things could get done a lot faster and be more destructive. I will admit this movie grazed the sappy meter because it introduced McClane’s daughter but she was just like him so when she gets caught by the bad guys she fights like hell, which they don’t expect from her. It opened the door a little bit for a die hard 4 to be made but I’m not sure. Sometimes the best idea is to quit while you’re ahead! I found Justin Long’s character was very good and I was expecting somebody different for the character of THE WARLOCK, so hopefully you will be as surprised as I was. Timothy Oliphant was a great bad guy, he usually plays a bad guy well though. This time he was the baddest, meanest guy with a vengeance, it was perfect.

I don’t really know what more to say about the movie without giving the whole story away. Action = AMAZING, Characters = AMAZING, stunts= AMAZING, everything about this movie = AMAZING. You should definitely watch it … YippyKyYeahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

NOTE= Tonight is good tv nights, as the regulars know the Hills is on as well as the finale of Dancing With the Stars. Go MEL B!!!!!!!!!

Dinner and A Movie = Perfecto

Dear Reader,

I had the pleasure of dining at home and enjoying a lovely homemade meal of fish and chips. The fish was done in bread crumbs that were crushed up to perfection. The fish was Alaskan Pollock which wasn’t too bad either, it wasn’t really fishy which is to my liking. Then fried in a pan with browned butter the bread crumbs crisped up to a golden delicacy. Then dad took it a step further and made homemade chips which topped the meal off to T. It was by far one of the better meals that my dad has made, and the fish was truly excellent.

Now that I have you frothing at the mouth for something tasty I will move on to the reason of my post:

Movie Review – CASINO ROYALE

I have never really been a fan of Bond movies and I never thought that anyone but a brunette could play bond. Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, those Bond’s all had dark hair. Well I was fooled last night. Last night the Premiere of Casino Royale on the free movie network was happening at 9 pm. I thought I’ve heard a lot of good things about this movie and even though I don’t like Bond movies I thought I would give it a try. Damn good job that I did because I thought the movie was friggin’ awesome. The action catches the audience right from the beginning of the movie and doesn’t really stop. There was no chance the audience could predict what was going to happen next or anything of the like. I would like to say KUDOS to Chris Cornell (formerly of Audioslave and Soundgarden) to writing an amazing opening song for the movie. The song captured the action, the power bond has over the women, and just how smart a spy he really is. I was amazed at how much I truly liked this film. One of my fav. Lines:

Bond: I’d like a martini please (said in hot british accent)
Bar Skip: Would you like that shaken or stirred sir?
Bond: Frankly, do I look like I give a damn!

The leading lady that caught Bond’s attention was definitely not one of my favourite. I don’t really like Eva Green as an actress, I find her quite dull. The Dame Judi Dench as M, Bond’s boss is phenomenal. She’s a get to the point, no bullshit kinda gal, and she pulls off the role stunningly with class of course. Now lets get to the real main object of our affection, Daniel Craig as 007, James Bond. He has the body of a god ( as demonstrated in the picture below) and the ego of one as well. He deems himself untouchable for a while until a certain part in the movie where his mission is almost compromised. Another great point is that Bond admits that he would rather have a relationship with married women then single, single being just not his type. He made for a really good Bond, a lot better then I expected and I regret having watched the movie so late. Yes it saved me a little bit of dough but it would have been worth it to dish out in the end because I was so impressed with the movie.