Tribute To Abby

So i just turned 28 on November 4, 2011. Probably one of the worst birthdays ever. I had to put my dear cat, Abby, down. She may have had a brain tumour and at the end it was so bad that she was in a coma and incontinent. She may have had little or no eye sight and she had lost all recognition. She would gaze in a trance most of the time. Me and my other cat, Zoe, are very lonely. We are relying on each other to get through this time of grieving. I have had strong urges to use/drink but i have been good and not had a single drop/toke. I am kind of in a trance myself. I don't really feel like myself and any emotion whether good or bad just registers as nothing. I don't really care about myself which is not good and can sometimes put me in compromised situations. The worst part of it all was slowly watching my AbbyCat fade into a nothing-type state. She didn't want to eat and could hardly move. I can only imagine what the world looked like to her near the end, if she even noticed it all. My therapist said to do anything i need to avoid self medicating with inappropriate substances. I have just chosen to stay away from them altogether but damn! It would definitely help. What i would give to feel numb again, especially right now. I don't feel happy and today i should be happier then a pig in shit. I went for my last appointment at the fracture clinic and got to be completely cast-less. It's been 3 months since i've been able to be totally independent, from showering to driving. The driving i missed the most. You never really realize how hard it is to be a passenger. But getting back to my point, bc i feel so depressed i can hardly smile or be joyous. I have turned inward and don't really want to talk to people. Sometimes communicating with family is difficult but it's not their fault so i make the extra effort. Before i had to put Abby down i was edgy, always wondering if i was going to find her dead. It was one of the harder things i have ever had to experience.

I want to remember the good things about Abby:
-we saved her life when she showed up at the farm, so anaemic she was barely existing
-she loved living at the farm
-she really enjoyed laying out on the pavement when it was warm and sunny
-in the winter, i remember her being curled up under the heat lamps nice and toasty
-sometimes i would put my gloves underneath her body so they would get extra warm under the heat lamp
-she loved to eat, food was her passion in life
-when she moved the apartment with me she made a perch on top of the couch
-she would sit on her perch staring out the patio door for hours
-in the summer she would lay out on the patio and just be a beach bum minus the beach
-she loved playing with her toy ferrets
-eventually, she would play with anything that would rattle when she batted it around
-the kitty condo was her sanctuary and i'm sure if she could have gone in the hammock she would have
-she had the most loving gaze, it was something that would truly melt your heart
-when i came home from work or something, she would greet me with a friendly meow
-even though her and Zoe had tiffs, they were the best of friends
-they would bake in the sun together on the warm days of summer
-Abby was a really chill cat, she loved lounging around the house
-afternoon naps were something she lived by
-she loved Nana, and when Nana visited she would be with her non-stop
-Nana always babied her and she loved it
-when she purred she sort of murmured like a pigeon
Dear Abby,
Zoe and I miss you every day. It's really lonely without you but we are glad that you aren't suffering anymore. We hope to meet you at rainbow bridge.