Woe is me......

So today started out as a good day but then after a group i go to, i became upset and didn't want to be around anyone.

When i become really emotional, it's almost like i can't handle or want to deal with the emotions. It's part of one of the mental illnesses i have, but that doesn't make it any easier.

People are tough for me to read. By read i mean: know what kind of a person they are and what they might be like with any intentions they may have. A friend of mine can get a general feel of a person very quickly. It's almost like she has a secret power if you will. I wish i had this power then i may not have such bitterness when i can see what people really want from me. Yeah i know another pathetic post about my roomy but this is the only place that i can say whatever i want and maybe ten people will read it or none but it's a venting place. I'm lucky to have it and value its importance greatly. So i was informed by a mutual friend that he thinks i am bothering him all the time, when really i have only tried to get a hold of him a few times. Well today i was going to show him that i am still a good friend. His car is broken and he is lost in what to do so i did some research for him and got the diagrams that he needs to get working on the problem. Yeah i know, back to my fixer ways for him. So i took the information to his work because i was excited that i may have found a way to solve his problems once again. He wouldn't even come out and get the papers himself... he was busy! Maybe he was really busy i don't know but he could have texted me that he received them at least. Maybe say thank you. I don't understand why breaking things off with him are so hard. I know that he doesn't respect me and stuff like but i miss his company. Not his sexual company, his company when we played wii together and always had baseball competitions. I have been doing really well and holding up a strong front but today, i cracked. I cried. I sniffled. I can't begin to comprehend why this bothers me so, i've being doing really well with the getting over him and spending time by myself more and stuff. Insight says that maybe i really miss him in my life because we had fun. I need to let go though and say enough. I need some confidence and courage. I need to move on with this issue and get over it instead of letting it get to me sometimes.

Questions pop into my head all the time:
-are the good people really gone?
-why are there so many shitty people?
-why am i so easily manipulated and taken advantage of?
-having a few close friends is great, but do you really have to run them through as series of tests before you find out how good a friend they will be?

For today i have lost faith in the human race. A fair percentage of people take it's 'my way or the highway' attitude. When did we lose sight of mediation and compromise? It's been gone for a while and the younger generations are missing certain values that are an asset to being of the generations before them. So many people want the 'silver spoon' lifestyle, yet so many suffer and can hardly get to what might be considered normal. In the end, each and every one of us decides how we are going to be. It takes some time and growing up, it's not like we are born knowing what we are going to be like right away. With mistakes and lessons learned only then can we become the beautiful and unique flower/tree that each of us is meant to be.