Dear Reader,
I am just going to write what is on my mind right now.
Anger, rage, frustration, disgruntlement, agitation.
Each word describes how I am feeling right now. I am a writer and I am going to try and use my new found talent to help myself till about noon today. When you feel the anger come on, how does it feel? For me I feel like a pot on the stove when the lid is left on and it’s boiling madly. The steam is coming out from what little space is left around the rim. Sometimes if left on the heat for too long the lid will explode from the rest of the pot making a hot water type of bomb. Sometimes I get so angry that I get to the point when I see red, sometimes that goes even further and I go into what is called a white rage. During these episodes people should really stay away from you because you can’t begin to predict what is going to happen or what you might do.
Today my anger is brought on by my mum’s boyfriend staying over at the house. I was having trouble with it last night and chose to hermit in my room after dinner so that I would avoid seeing them. This morn I go up to get a drink and rally around a bit and I can tell that he has slept over. I have been getting along with him well I guess you could say. Some of the time I don’t believe I am genuine, I just want to try and get along and be a good house guest since my mum has taken me in to avoid more confrontation with my dad. Last night I was hoping that mum and I would be able to have a nice dinner together and such, and then we spend time waiting around for BOZO to show up because he had an hours drive to get here. When I told my mum that I couldn’t handle it she acted weird, but I told her to stop interrupting and just listen to me. Now I realize that going to my dad’s place in this time of anger may not be the best idea but at least I have my office, bedroom and animals to hermit with. Maybe this will give me the break that I need to move out of this anger phase. The thought of BOZO staying here right now infuriates me, I can here him walking around and puttering about and I am ready to blow my stack.
To resolve the problem I am writing, maybe you don’t want to hear any of this but then again maybe you can identify with some of the ideas and such that I am talking about. This post is not really about how out of control my feelings are or such, it’s about how I feel when certain things are bothering me and continue to bother me. Many of you readers I’m sure have felt the same thing. Another way that I am resolving the problem is that I am going to my other house to get time away, then my mum can have her boyfriend over whenever she wants and it won’t be in my face. Not that mum was doing it intentionally but I just got to a point where all I see is this guy over at the house all the time, I rarely get to spend time with my mum and that makes me a bit sad. I think I am making a good decision…..I think.
