A Secret Kept

A Secret Kept by Tatiana de Rosnay




I tried really hard to read this book and i just couldn't do it. I only read to 61 pages and i said to myself if it's not worth reading why waste my time. I can't even give this book any stars. I guess i was looking for another solid read like Sarah's Key. This book didn't even come close. The first 61 pages were ridiculous. There was a lot of jumping around in time. Lots of memories and stuff. I just didn't care and was very disappointed. So i didn't get to find out what the secret kept was....... :0(



View all my reviews

Enter the Dating Pool.......

So being laid up with all my injuries really sucks but it gives me a fair bit of time to watch crappy movies (there are very few good ones out, i know bc i have been watching them as they are about to come out), reading lots of books (majority are mediocre, still haven’t read a really awesome one in a while), do school work (at least it’s a decent exercise outlet for my brain), and to browse the dating pool on POF. There are people on there who write their profile 'about me' section and are straight to the point. Honesty is a great policy, never been better actually. Then there are people that are straight up about things that would be much more easy to discuss on a date, depending on what stage of the dating game you are at. Today a young chap used the 'meet me' feature on the site, my name and profile came up and he said that he would like to MEET ME. Wow! I'm honoured and i would like to thank the academy for this wonderful award......... wait.........that's a different time/era/situation. (I WILL ADMIT THOUGH IF I GOT AN ACADEMY AWARD AT SOME POINT IN MY LIFE THAT WOULD BE FAN-FRICKIN-TASTIC!) So i am reading the profile for DannyQ (at least that's what i will call him). It's pretty decent. He's 26, blah blah blah, nothing important, nothing important. He's got the standard standing in front of the bathroom mirror with his shirt off pictures. He's ripped which is always pleasant to look at. Then it starts! His interests include: SEX, hot tub-ing, WEED, sports, KINK, outdoors, driving, boating, partying, 420, cottage and FETISH. So as you can see interspersed amongst some decent interests are basically the makings of a person that is looking for something, as i would say, 'from the other side' sexually. That's great so even though this guy is not what i think is right for me, i decide that i will continue on and read his profile. This is what it says:

Hey all. Just an open-minded male, looking for an open-minded female.

I have my own place, my own car, and own business. I work-out often, but do enjoy being lazy at home.

Looking for someone who is on the kinky side. We can discuss this further, if needed. But just because, I am open minded sexually - DOES NOT mean I am just looking for a quick bang. That being said.. being a 'sexual prude', is not a very attractive trait.. in anyone!

I got a few tats now.. have my tongue, eyebrow and labret pierced
YES.. I am young looking. I know. When did ever become a really bad thing? lol

I am serious about meeting - and expect the same!

As you can see, once again it starts off pretty normal. Seems like a decent guy. He's looking for the same in a chick. Has his own place, seems grounded, all that mature stuff you're looking for in a possible dating candidate. Then the atomic bomb is dropped. Maybe he thinks that no one will make a big deal when reading his profile and he is looking for someone with a kinky side. It's nice that he's willing to discuss it further if needed. I mean come on, maybe there is more explanation needed, ie. Do you come with toys of various sizes and colours? OR.... Are batteries included? It's like the phrase “Putting the hotdog in the bun,” slightly modified but i would like to thank the Situation (from Jersey Shore), he used the phrase pretty well on last weeks episode. At least DannyQ states that he is looking for someone that is willing to stick around while sexually experimenting, not just a casual FUCK! That's refreshing, a kink-ster with morals. Maybe it's me just being a sexual prude.....he thinks that's a very unattractive trait.

Is that all you have to offer POF......COME ON!

Hey there !

So happy to have met you here tonight.

I opened an account at Plentyoffish, once again. I have to say i am not totally keen on the internet dating seen but i don't meet a lot of guys in my regular life so i thought i would try it again but this time i value myself more then before so really trying to stay away from the one night-er situations. I've done amazing so far. I had a weird situation only once but i doubt that guy will be calling me ever again. He started telling me that i had a sexy voice, which i thought was a compliment. It's nice when people notice stuff about you that you never really realized about yourself. So we are talking about stuff, ie. What we do for work, what we do in our spare time......AND then he starts telling me that he is going to spank his wank while he's talking to me. I have to be totally honest, when he told me that my response was “Are you kidding me?” in a question type way and when he admitted No he wasn't, i was very repetitive and said it again but with a more you've got to be kidding me type tone. So then he says that i can continue talking about whatever i want, but this is after he tries to convince me to diddle myself. Like frig bud, it's the first time talking to you and i really don't think this is appropriate. If i wanted to be a phone sex operator i would at least make sure that i get paid for talking to people if that's what they are going to do on the other end of the line. I would be asking for a credit card number asap and it wouldn't matter what your name was. ALAS, I'M NOT A PHONE SEX OPERATOR (just wanted to write that for clarification......although i'm sure that some conversations would make it here to the blog for an entertainment factor if i was a phone sex operator!) Back to the story..........So i am talking to this guy and he really isn't paying attention to a damn thing I say. He starts panting like a bitch in heat and I had to say “Are you for real?” He very calmly told me yes he was real and that he would appreciate if i helped him finish by saying “Matthew cum.” So i did, but it was more in a pissed off housewife way. You know like the wife that doesn't want to have sex with her husband anymore and it's like she would rather stab herself in the eye with a fork. Here's my example “Arghhhhh. Fine! MATTHEW (eye rolls accompanied with huffs and puffs) cum.” When i went to therapy my therapist asked the question why did you continue to talk to him, you could have left the conversation and essentially abandoned ship on that one. I said that's a lot better then what i have done in the past and i think that i deserve more, FUCK i know i deserve more then a 2 minute hand junky! I guess though i should have terminated the discussion when he asked me if i was a woman with a big butt. I don't really know any women that would say in a pleasant way “Yeah, I've got a big butt! And i'm proud of it” Most women think of having a big butt as a disadvantage and in most regular situations it is! I explained my reasoning on answering the question with a plain and simple “i don't know”. Sure i've got an ass that covers 10 counties but it's not because i am happy with it, it's cause i can't lay off the god damn ICE CREAM! (but i didn't tell him that response because i didn't think it would help at all, knowing my luck he would've asked me if i would pour chocolate sauce on it and lick it off like he was having some bodacious sundae) So why didn't i terminate the convo after that question? Well up to that point i was just in shock that if this was that guys pick up routine it was L-A-M-E. But wait this entry isn't over yet because it gets better. He starts telling me that he met a woman from the gym and she was a lot older then him (his response was 43) which is a good 15 years. I didn't know what to say so i said, “well she must have been a babe” WTF was i thinking, she probably had a big butt too! So then he says that he had this weird encounter with her. They were having sex and then he put her underwear on and they finished having sex with her underwear ON HIM. That's right he was wearing her underpants, and he was very clear that he enjoys women in thongs. So knowing his luck it would have been something in the dental floss category. Now i thought, i was shocked before i heard this, but after, my jaw was literally on the floor. All i could say was “Oh.....” and the dot dot dot means dead silence. DEAD like ran over with a car and there's no chance of life ever again. So once i finished saying MATTHEW cum i said that i had to go out, even though i can't really go anywhere since i fell at work and have a cast on my right ankle and left wrist (yep broke both). I figured why prolong this conversation anymore, he was happy with that response because he had band practice or something. I vaguely remember him telling me what instrument he played...........oh yeah that's right..........the SKIN FLUTE!

So my final time asking this question:

WHY DIDN'T I TERMINATE/END THIS CONVERSATION EARLIER?

The answer:

Plain and simple..............

i wanted to share it with you!

Keep on laughing! I know i still am!

you've been warned

You've Been Warned by James Patterson

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


well i have to say that i found this book hard to put down but it was more for trying to find out what the hell was going on. there was a lot of back and forth of when the time was. then at the end of the book the author's note says "what you just read is the nightmare of anybody who believes in the afterlife. Obviously the story is an allegory about the horrors of an eternity in Hell." So after reading that i was just like are you freaking kidding me. That sort of explains the whole begging and pleading at the end of the story. BUT COME ON james patterson, you're books don't need to reach that far. They are usually quick reads (which this one was), that have a really specialized killer/criminal that is trying to make a point. Like really, do you need to get into the religious sector. I'm sorry buddy but you're no dan brown and certainly no Ken Follett.

Needless to say, i'm still shaking my head at this one.
:0k



View all my reviews

FEAR THE WORST

Fear the Worst by Linwood Barclay

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This book was great but then i was kind of let down by the ending. I had read 300 pages and still not figured out who had committed the crime and stuff. The character of Tim Blake is like any desperate father trying to find his daughter. Willing to do anything, no limits. I thought the relationship between him and his ex was bizarre in the fact that they were separated yet the wife made so many comments that she never should have left him. I guess that goes to show that it takes time to reflect on some of the decisions we make. The ex-wife's boyfriend was a bit of a buffoon which was kind funny. Had me saying "He didn't just do that!" quite a bit.

Overall the book was a good read but the ending not so much. It was great that the suspense lasted for so long though and that the mystery was tricky to figure out!



View all my reviews

eclipse

Eclipse by Richard North Patterson

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This book was very realistic from beginning to end. When quickly reading the afterword it was based on events that actually happened in Nigeria. The characters were believable. It was refreshing to see that the book didn't necessarily end the way most people would want, ie. the american saves the day and gets the girl. It takes the topic of genocide and throws the reader right in the middle of it. It almost makes you feel as if you are there amongst the characters, experiencing this travesty that happens in countries that receive little to no assistance. Legal principles and beliefs are thrown out the door and it's a society that revolves around money. Money made from the oil rigs in the bays, money used to keep people safe, money that has bought the government and it's followers. Very interesting take on a subject that i have not read much about.




View all my reviews

the con-function junction!

The lyrics from Lisa Loeb's song “Stay” are in my head.

You say I only hear what i want to.

So for some reason i decided to write this poem to certain songs. I wanted to write about something that has been weighing on my mind for quite sometime. I guess the best way to describe it is that the words come from a place inside me that i very rarely show in person. I am getting better at asserting myself and trying but the road isn't always that easy. As you readers know, i come here and air out my clean/dirty laundry and i feel better.........relieved, actually. I decided to ponder and write down somethings that are going on in my head. My blog is always a sacred place to me so i figured what a good place to share what i was thinking. I wrote it in poem form to the 2 songs noted. It's still a work in progress but it gets down the 'bones' of what i am feeling.


MY VERSION:

You say i only hear what i want to.
But really you do all the talking, you do.
You want me to keep in touch,
but it doesn't matter much.
You want me to call to find out the case,
i know the answer and i think it's just a waste.

You say i only do what i want to.
That's true, it's just what you do.
You say i don't care, and that's not true
You are the one who doesn't care what i do.

(change song to Natalie Imbruglia's “Torn”)

I watched you change throughout your life
Never seemed to pick up on the real strife
You couldn't be that friend that i adored
You don't seem to care what this friendship's for
I don't know you anymore
It's not like when we used to talk
It's like a blackboard without the chalk.
The conversation has run out,
I don't care what you bitch about.

(change song to Lisa Loeb's “Stay”)

It's supposed be like you were never gonna leave
Instead that idea is just one reprieve.
Say you're gonna call, but you never really do
Say you wanna talk, but it's only about you.
You said that i was naive and, i thought i was strong
I thought hey i can leave, i can leave
And it started me writing this song
I really miss you but i don't know what to say
I want to talk but i leave it just for days
I want to make it work but it's never gonna change
You think we're gettin' closer but we're gettin' more estranged


So that's what i have and that's what i feel. I just tried to write it like a song and it was pretty tricky. It makes me appreciate those who right their own songs and stuff it's really hard. Just had to get this off my chest. I guess the main part is that i never changed. Ok, i did change. I learned to control, discuss and manage my emotions better then i ever have. You were the one that did change. You changed into a person that only cares about them self, and won't listen to anyone else. I don't know what else to say or where to go from here.

it flows through my finger tips!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPTlhBmwRg&feature=feedf

So it's been a while since i've written an uplifting post. I have some theme music playing and i am just going to write till i can't anymore.

My head bops to the beat. A rhythmical up and down, slowly going through out my body. My fingers type like a gattling gun. Then the shoulders dip from side to side. If i didn't have 2 casts on i would crank the music loud and dance my little heart out. The theme for this little, happy outburst is MOVES LIKE JAGGER. Adam Levine croons to perfection and then there's the robust holler from Christina. The guitar chants to me at the beginning of the song, causing my air guitar to come out of nowhere.The flowing moving arms start to flail. The disco snaps fade in and out. The jersey shore fist pump smashes the air a little bit (i'm doing this with my good hand! Now i'm really into it bc i am watching the music video and it's even better. The sway of the hips. The flash dance type of scenario. AND LET'S FACE IT ADAM LEVINE AND HIS TATS ARE SEXY!!!!! The disco confetti flies and it truly is a party that everyone wants to be at. The only complaint i have is that the end of the music is pretty abrupt.

CHANGE THE TUNE

Something more mellow and chill starts to sooth my soul. Breath in, breath out. Take a minute and just let everything fade into the background. “You're the only thing i need to get by” gets sung and in a way i sort of agree. With who or what is a question left unanswered, it's not the answer that matters. It's the admission of the fact. Ideas start to run through my head. Times that i have been left by people that i thought would have stayed with me. Times that i have tried to leave things and i just couldn't. I'm in a better place and if i can reflect within the context of a song then fine, as long as at the end of that 3 mins or so i can let go.

CHANGE THE TUNE

Pounding on the piano chords. My foot starts to bounce along. The jazz bugles behind the beautiful song of the artist.

CHANGE THE SUBJECT

I started school on Wednesday of last week. It was the first night of class for my ECE Apprenticeship program. I think that my school has been my saving grace. With all the time that i have on my hands i have been productive and making notes. It keeps my brain active and it saves me having to rush at a later time to make them. The one part of my notes has gotten sort of scientific which i am not a big fan of. I really hope that is not a big part of this schooling bc when in highschool i hated science....and i still pretty much do. There's lots of theories and stuff and it's pretty interesting.

Listen to my theme song from the start once more and then back to notes! Nice break!

the second opinion

Second Opinion by Michael Palmer

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


this book had an awesome start out of the gate. there was lots of medical jargon and occurrences, it was almost like ER or Chicago Hope (tv medical dramas). then it happened, the main character met a man and started to fall in love, which turned her into a ball of marshmallow fluff (i am using that bc i don't really like it and it's a fake substance). he was constantly wondering about having sex with the dude and what he would think about her. it really detracted from the main storyline which was she was trying to find out who had put her father in a coma and wanted him dead. as the story plays out there's many twists and turns but the thing i noticed was that the writing started to get very lax as it went on. although i didn't see it coming from the beginning the ending was very predictable after reading it, and had me thinking "why didn't you see that coming". once i read who the bad guy was it was very hard for me to keep reading the book bc i just didn't care what happened any more. this book gets only 2 stars, would have given it 2.5 but that's it.



View all my reviews

how many times.....

So this is a picture of him...............

who- without naming names he's an ex of mine from many moons ago

how- not sure how he came into my brain

what- i just look at this picture and i remember all the good times and how much i cared about him. The passion, the fire. The romantic gaze from those ice blue eyes. I look at this picture and i feel like he is staring right into me and my soul. I can't get you out of my head. Maybe it's because i'm injured and my brain has nothing better to do then remind me of the past. Something keeps telling me to message you and see how things are going. What's new in your life? What are you up to? Then a giant part of me says no, don't go there it will just end up in a mound of pain and confusion oh yeah and my favourite partner....REJECTION. Things are different now. On the norm i have a job that i love. I have a decent/good relationship with my parents. I love to travel and make a point of going somewhere each year. So i was browsing again and i think i saw a picture of his and her cats. I think i am going to abandon ship on this idea............which may not be so bad after all. Stupid me.......now i will probably beat myself up over this for the next few days. Better now then later i guess.

What if- would i have liked the opportunity to talk to him and have a decent conversation, for sure. I guess i would want approval that i am living on my own and have been doing so for 3.5 years. I would want to show him that i am certainly not as crazy now as i was back then. I don't know why i want to prove something to someone that isn't even remotely involved in my life now, but that's the way it feels. I guess he still holds a place in my heart..............fuck............. i know he will always hold a place in my heart.............that's the worst part..................just knowing it :0(

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

Run for Your Life by James Patterson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


i have to say that i was surprised. i had read a michael bennett book not that long ago. there were several things that i didn't like and more importantly, didn't believe. this book was different i actually liked it. the killer was amazing and the fact that he committted murders in broad daylight in heavily populated areas was even better. the character of bennett was still lame though. this book was a quick read though and it reminded me of the old james patterson that i loved reading all the time.



View all my reviews