You thinking about advertising in my comments section....THINK AGAIN!

Well folks, I've had enough of it. People didn't seem to get my nice address to them when I politely asked them not to post advertisements for bullshit on the comments section of my blog. I'm sure you guys, as readers, are fed up with this malarky as well. Please excuse me for the next few seconds:

PEOPLE WHO WANT TO POST BULLSHIT ADS IN MY COMMENTS SECTION.... DON'T DO IT! I DON'T CARE WHAT PETTY BULLSHIT YOU ARE PEDDLING AND NEITHER DO MY READERS. FIND ANOTHER BLOG TO DO IT TO, OR EVEN BETTER CREATE YOUR OWN BLOG SO THAT PEOPLE CAN VISIT IT IF THEY SO CHOOSE. I DON'T CARE ABOUT BUILDING STOCK OPTIONS, CREATING SOLAR PANELS, OR OTHER SALES PITCHES. I'M SURE IN THE ENTIRE INTERNET THERE ARE MORE APPROPRIATE PLACES TO POST SUCH DRIVEL. STOP THIS AT ONCE! THANK YOU.

There readers! I did it! I once again addressed a re-occuring problem that is completely silly.

Last night I went shopping for clothes, that actually fit!, for when i leave for my trip. There was a lot of nice stuff but then there was a lot of sporadic granny time get-ups. I understand that retro styles and patterns are coming back and I'm a fan of them but when you put on a dress and it makes you look like a potato sack or the pattern looks like something out of granny's basement then there's a major problem. I was able to get a lot of shorts and stuff which will be great for the golf season and i won't feel so bad about wearing jeans all the time. Also there were some really awesome track pants, which i purchased, that are going to be fab for travelling. Even was lucky enough to get some going out shirts that were a decent price.

Cayman Islands, your time is fast approaching and near. Can't wait to rock it over there!

monday, monday.....

Today is rainy and light grey outside. The drizzle of the rain can be heard in my bedroom. The bed heating up for my afternoon nap, soon to be nice and toasty. The sound of cars driving by outside the apartment complex.

I would like to talk about this application on Facebook that i am addicted to. It's called FARMVILLE. I am so good at virtual farming it's sad that I can't be that great at real farming. In FARMVILLE the only thing you can sell as edible items is the fruits and vegetables. All the animals have a purpose and none of them die. I am a geek though because I time my crops so that I can maximize every plot that I use for farming. Very rarely do my crops wither and die. This is probably the only way I can grow things and not have them die on me. That's ok though, that's probably why I play it all the time.

Today is day 16 for the Cayman Island countdown. So looking forward to going and time is going by so fast that i will be there in no time.

I'm considering making some pancakes. They sound so delish right now. Warm off the pan, drenched in oozy, golden maple syrup. Yep, it's been decided that's what i am doing after i finish this post.

I am hoping that i don't have a nap today but i am vehicle-less so i may end up soothing my afternoon urge. If i could though, i would really like to finish this dr. drama book that i am reading because i am very close to the end and I am 'dying' to know what happens. Pardon the pun, it wasn't funny.

Movies sound like a good order for the day since there is nothing else to do. I could if i really try though, play wii and actually feel better about doing something.

The men in my life: well, there are none. Not even FWB's or anything. So on this time alone i am going to focus on myself and learn things about me. I am going to consider why i am so dependent on company when i should just be chillin' Read some good books and some Cosmo mags so that i can learn new tricks. I think today is the day i hang up my profile on PLENTY OF FISH. The internet dating scene is just not for me I guess, or even the real life dating scene because i definitely don't have good guys knocking down my door. Today is the day that i attempt to let go of baggage and things that have recently happened to upset me. Today if anything i am allowed to feel blah as long as i am considering other things. Or a constant state of thought or pondering if you will.

I hope I check each point off with progress. Time will tell though :)

Dilemma...and Solution that has Nothing to do with Dilemma!

Oh the life of the unemployed, who i would like to add is not getting benefits, is troublesome...and boring....and re-dickdonkulous!

I am having a dilemma that is not good. I cannot sit down and watch a movie, let alone pick a movie that is any good. The last good movie was 3 movies ago that was either yesterday or the day before. I know it sounds tough but with the amount of selection and variety i have it's mind boggling. I need a movie that is going to grab my attention and make me want to keep watching it. A movie that is different. Maybe a slasher flick, army pic, love/romance or comedy. I don't know a country and western movie sounds really good right now too. Although i could go with a good ole trusty movie i have in my personal collection of favourites. Maybe i want something i can sing a long with or something that i know the lines to. So many choices.... and so little time!

How pathetic was that? Is it really happening? Yes, it is right this moment.

I'm mental, so what!

By the way shout out to those that are counting down the days till I leave for the Cayman Islands (Feb 10.). I leave cold Canada for a tropical paradise in 19 days, 456 hours, 27360 minutes. My Bfffff is so excited and I am too. Nice weather and scenery, a VITAMIN D surplus for those of us that have Seasonal Affective Disorder. The grey weather gets ya down and you just want to stay in bed. I know I have done it a few days in my past and present. Going on a vacay in the winter to somewhere warm and beautiful is probably one of the best ideas I have gotten. Travelling on my own has given me courage and confidence to continue and do it more. It's independence at it's finest.

Is that a hint of backbone i see.... Yeah, i think so!

Wow, today i am batting 1000.

People i thought that i could casually talk to when i see them come online.... nope, don't even think about messaging them because they don't want to hear it. Not just anything, everything. That's a nice way of saying F You, i guess. So why not write and tell you about it. Sure, the quiet yet always listening reader. People this week have taken me for a loop and i need to stop letting them. I get attached too easily and then it's like all or nothing, there's no middle compromise. These people lead you on to think you're friends with them and then they turn. Why do they do that? Because they are in a place of power and if you reach out to them and they say no, they know they can hurt you so, the solution is to stop talking to them. That solution is ideal but a very hard one to put into practice. Especially since the above people used to hang out and chill with you at any given time. Since when did mindless chitter chatter turn into stalking? That's news to me! Oh well, as a dear friend of mine would say.

Dear Person(s) Who Think It Is Ok to Advertise In My Comments Section:

Please cease action immediately. I don't really care what you are peddling and i'm sure my readers don't either. Before you even think about hitting the add comment button and posting some malarky, I want you to know that I don't appreciate such actions. I don't care about your crap and neither do my readers probably. If you continue to do this i will find some way of getting you in trouble. Not sure how but i will... i'm a fixer after all. I take my comments section very seriously and read each and every one. Please don't make me have to read another poorly spelled advert for something i care nothing about.

Thanks,

Sarah
(Blogger!)

Woe is me......

So today started out as a good day but then after a group i go to, i became upset and didn't want to be around anyone.

When i become really emotional, it's almost like i can't handle or want to deal with the emotions. It's part of one of the mental illnesses i have, but that doesn't make it any easier.

People are tough for me to read. By read i mean: know what kind of a person they are and what they might be like with any intentions they may have. A friend of mine can get a general feel of a person very quickly. It's almost like she has a secret power if you will. I wish i had this power then i may not have such bitterness when i can see what people really want from me. Yeah i know another pathetic post about my roomy but this is the only place that i can say whatever i want and maybe ten people will read it or none but it's a venting place. I'm lucky to have it and value its importance greatly. So i was informed by a mutual friend that he thinks i am bothering him all the time, when really i have only tried to get a hold of him a few times. Well today i was going to show him that i am still a good friend. His car is broken and he is lost in what to do so i did some research for him and got the diagrams that he needs to get working on the problem. Yeah i know, back to my fixer ways for him. So i took the information to his work because i was excited that i may have found a way to solve his problems once again. He wouldn't even come out and get the papers himself... he was busy! Maybe he was really busy i don't know but he could have texted me that he received them at least. Maybe say thank you. I don't understand why breaking things off with him are so hard. I know that he doesn't respect me and stuff like but i miss his company. Not his sexual company, his company when we played wii together and always had baseball competitions. I have been doing really well and holding up a strong front but today, i cracked. I cried. I sniffled. I can't begin to comprehend why this bothers me so, i've being doing really well with the getting over him and spending time by myself more and stuff. Insight says that maybe i really miss him in my life because we had fun. I need to let go though and say enough. I need some confidence and courage. I need to move on with this issue and get over it instead of letting it get to me sometimes.

Questions pop into my head all the time:
-are the good people really gone?
-why are there so many shitty people?
-why am i so easily manipulated and taken advantage of?
-having a few close friends is great, but do you really have to run them through as series of tests before you find out how good a friend they will be?

For today i have lost faith in the human race. A fair percentage of people take it's 'my way or the highway' attitude. When did we lose sight of mediation and compromise? It's been gone for a while and the younger generations are missing certain values that are an asset to being of the generations before them. So many people want the 'silver spoon' lifestyle, yet so many suffer and can hardly get to what might be considered normal. In the end, each and every one of us decides how we are going to be. It takes some time and growing up, it's not like we are born knowing what we are going to be like right away. With mistakes and lessons learned only then can we become the beautiful and unique flower/tree that each of us is meant to be.

Saturday Night was Sushi Night! What a HIT!

Me enjoying a deep fried wonton!

Showing off my tempura shrimpy!

True vegetable fried rice, actually made with sticky rice...so tasty!

California rolls with imitation crab meat in the middle (at the top), (left to right) salmon, red snapper, tuna, squid, sashimi.

Miso Soup

Dragon Rolls. The meat on top is grilled eel.

Wasabi flowerette

So when i was visiting the cottage on the weekend, my mum and her bf took me for sushi.

I like trying things this was an experience an a half. I really enjoy doing random things and even though this was planned i was sooo looking forward to it.

I tried various types of items: eel, red snapper, tuna, salmon, squid, dragon rolls, california rolls, tempura vegetables and shrimp, calamari, deep fried wontons, chicken teriyaki, real vegetable fried rice, miso soup, rice wine (saki).

I was a little sad because my best friend is a sushi snob and she wanted to take me ages ago but i wasn't ready to be so adventurous. Mum promised that next time she's home we will take her for sushi!, Can't wait to do that either.

I absolutely loved the squid, it was one of my favourite things. The red snapper was good as well. Calamari was a hit as usual same with the deep fried wontons. There were somethings that i would like to try again because i wasn't sure about the taste, i found the eel quite fishy tasting. Not in a disturbing way but i would like to try it again and give it a fair chance. The saki was not my favourite, I find it is like drinking rubbing alcohol and just don't find it a pleasurable taste. And i was ashamed by my performance because i cannot eat with chopsticks, so i had to request a knife and fork.

The only thing i really enjoyed about the sushi was there is so much pride and care taken into play when preparing and presenting the food. Above you will see some pics from my experience. Hey! You might want to try it if any of it looks appealing!

Stupid walking group...... I did this to myself though!

I've been up since 7 am.



I said that i would join the walking group that i sometimes participate in at a walk around a local place at 830 am.



Why did i do this? Well the answer is simple and two fold: it gets me out of the house and secondly, i am exercising as much as i can before i go to the Cayman islands, which is happening in 28 days. Was talking with my best friend down in the KY, and we were discussing all the fun things that we want to do. I'm very excited to see her and there is a bunch of gifts i have for her from Christmas and just 'cause so...... Can't wait to see her smiling face when i get off the plane. Then the fun truly begins and it's just like old times!



I have been living the single life lately, which isn't so bad now, but was lonely when i first kicked my roommate out. He's only made one appearance in my life which is interesting. He brought someone with him to pick up his mail. I didn't invite him into the apartment just gave him his stuff and then he left. He owes me a lot of money but since he doesn't like me i may not see that money. I think that's very irresponsible if he does that but it wouldn't be un-ordinary for him since his morals and values are few and far between. I don't want to sound like i am continually bashing him because that would give you the impression that i still think about him being in my life and wanting him in my life. I have notes posted around the apt. to remind me that he is not a good friend. He will come around when he wants something I'm sure, or at least that's what a dear friend said to me.

So, after scuffing my face in the apt. against the wall, i am left with a cut above my eye, just under the eyebrow, that if anything bothers it, it bleeds. Bleed sesh's are getting less frequent which is good but i hope this damn thing will heal so i don't look like a retard anymore. Certain people that i have seen quite a fair bit have even mentioned it and how bad it looks, my response is it feels worse but i'm lucky.

Time to go put my long johns on and dress warmly so that i don't freeze while walking. Knowing my luck it will be a frigid day and i will wear the Lj's for the whole day. That's alright though, it's all about comfort right!

I'm a fixer.... and i readily admit it!

At what point do people, certain ones in particular feel they are entitled to everything on a silver platter when they haven't earned or worked for it.

Yep, you guessed it....another post about my ex-roomie.

Yesterday was my breaking point. He spoke with me but all he could say is how i have ruined everything and he has to go fix the f- ups that i made, i'm an f-ing retard, and so you can imagine what the lash out contained. I don't want to talk to him anymore because i don't deserve that treatment in anyway, and he should have taken care of such issues before he left my apartment instead of me having to take care of it on Tuesday. I realize more and more that i was his fixer. Whenever he had a problem or an issue i would appear and fix it, whether it be monetary, emotionally, or whatever else. People that are fixers usually get taken for granted and that's what has happened here. I have helped him so much that now that i won't help him he doesn't like it and everything is my fault. WRONG AGAIN! His problems are not my problems, it's very immature to lash out to someone because they have rinsed their hands of your bs. In reality the people that are fixers should get a giant repetitive thank you for all that they have done to make the life of the person they helped easier.

Then comes the point though, if you constantly are a fixer for these people not only do they depend on you to fix their next set of problems but they also become dependent on you for the wrong reasons. The fixers get used and abused because they are good hearted people that have a hard time saying no. It's the truth. No for some reason is in our vocabulary but not at the top of the list or even near the top. We do whatever we can to assist and help at all costs. There is a price to pay though. When you come to your breaking point and you start saying no to those that are dependent you better be prepared for being cursed at, shunned, and ridiculed for no reason, just because you won't fix their problems. At some points it's hurtful and others all i can do is laugh and say "Wow look at how immature this person is," to myself.

It comes to a point where I say ok fine, this is how it's going to be: I can't have you in my life because you damage my feelings and self esteem, you are destroying your own life and i don't want to be taken down in your tailspin, and the only relevant solution is to eliminate you from my life. Yeah it makes me sound like the bad guy in some ways but in others, it's a weight off my shoulders and i can move on and focus on my own struggles and battles. So for those of you reading this that are fixers, please look at the situations you are fixing for these people and consider: is it really worth it? do i get treated properly? is the person that i am fixing for appreciative? and a few other questions but these are the main ones. If the answer is no then you have some serious thinking to do as to who stays in your life and wreaks havoc or who is a valuable friend to have in your life.

Burn me, I burn you..... literally

So i am starting to put my foot down. I have had enough of my ex-roommate treating me like dirt. This picture resembles how i feel in a great way. Even he looks like the burning of the photo is hurting him. So it should. 2010 is the year that i don't put up with shit from people and i teach people to treat me better. There is a 3 strike rule in effect that means if you treat me badly 3 times in a particular visit, then i am leaving that persons company. I used it this weekend with my dad because he was in a peculiar mood and then I am using it today with someone that i have had a hard time saying no to. I thought he was my friend but when he started accusing me of stealing i knew right then and there, he didn't think of me as a friend. He thinks and treats me like one of his regular lackies or follow alongs. Sure i did the dance for a while but my foot comes down today. Considering I have risked a lot and gone through a lot, this is the perfect way to make me change my thinking. I am very bitter at this point. I am saddened that he thinks treating me like trash is acceptable. I am saddened that he does not appreciate what i have done and gone through for him. The distress it put on my and my parents relationship. The bad habits that were capitalized on because i wanted to be high all the time. The zillion times that when we were doing things, i paid for him or smoked him for free. He led a charmed life while at my apartment. It kills me when he says he was at the object of his affections cottage and her parents just love him because he helps out (ie. by randomly doing dishes and stuff), meanwhile when he lived here he had to be begged to do chores. It's all a facade though, i realize that now. He plays the good boy card when he can fool people, but when you start to see holes through his act, that's when he turns. He's not the only one that i have experienced this with but he is making me re-think how i pursue certain friendships and relationships.

I must say there was a guy from my past that i helped out and he wanted to meet and have a coffee, but i just don't feel that i can be around that person anymore. He borrowed money from me and never paid it back. Sure he did the poor me song and dance but i decided that this is the year that i think more of myself and not re-kindle certain r-ships that could be potentially harmful. What's with these people always coming out and around when they want something? Shows that they have no pride or class..... at least in my books,

Mish Mosh, Pish Posh! January 2, 2010!

So.... Today is the 2nd of January 2010. Man time flies! To all, i wish you a good new year and may the wishes and resolutions you made come true and it be a happy and prosperous year for you. In short: eat, drink and be merry, and enjoy your company!

I was able to stay up on New Years, which is a rarity for me. No, I didn't make any resolutions because i don't believe in making them and then breaking them. I want to write lots this year and keep up the good work i have done one staying clean.....today is day 20.

It is exactly 39 days till i leave for the Cayman Islands, where my BFF and i plan to rule the island for a solid 2 weeks. It will be a time of relaxation, tanning, good food, good company (which should be first), and FUN. I plan to either take my comp down or use my BFF"s comp and get some writing done and read some of the million books i got at Christmas. Maybe the easier thing for me to do is just take a memory schtick down and then put all my work and pictures on that.... then i won't have to travel with my comp! I will see what my friend advises is the best thing. When i go down and visit her i will also be giving her the long awaited christmas presents that i made for her! Oh i can't wait and neither can she! Maybe some Romeo will sweep me off my feet when i am away! (I doubt the last one will happen though!)

As a treat i am going to give you a short little writing exercise from my WRITER'S BOOK OF MATCHES, which was given to me by my mentor.

Prompt= AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN BECOMES OBSESSED WITH HER IMPERCEPTIBLE FLAWS.

I sit at the mirror and I think what is wrong with me. Why will no guy stay around. Is it because I love sex and they can't keep up? Or maybe the fact that sometimes i would rather just have my way with them and then have them leave. Or.... maybe they see something that i cannot see or that something comes up on their radar when i am around them. I have started to be critical of everything. The way I dress, the way i do my hair, the way i act around them. Nothing seems to be working. There has to be something that i don't recognize that they automatically see that makes me untouchable. Sure, I've talked with guys, gone on a few dates, even got to the point where i like a few of these guys, but when it comes to them coming back or even returning a simple message, I get deleted....erased. It has happened so many times that i get a little bit hurt but the pain isn't as much as it used to be. I've started to prepare myself before i go into anything now, that this guy won't be here long and then the next will come along after he's done and then he will move on after a little bit as well. A vicious circle where i am unhappy and alone. My friend has it all:the body, the looks, the great job, a man who is by her side and won't leave (actually that's to a bad point at times). As i get older i want to settle down each day more and more. I want to be able to come home and have a meal with my man and then cuddle and watch a movie. Maybe i am trying to hard to figure out what these flaws are... maybe that's why they remain hidden and i am still on my own. Although, i am getting to the point where i am ready to say "Fuck it. I am who i am. If you want to be in my life you have to love me flaws and all!" But as a side note i would like to say, "Can you tell me what that hidden flaw is because it's bugging the hell out of me."