the therapist says....

If life were a box of chocolates, there would be so many choices!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wp3m1vg06Q
Here is the famous I Love Lucy episode at the chocolate factory!
This episode makes me think of so many things. Good thing we all aren't chocolates in Lucy's box or we'd all be eaten!

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

This is something my therapist is working with me on. The main point of radical acceptance is to accept things the way they are. It's like an 'is what it is' stance on life. Radical acceptance does not mean that you approve of something.
This is the definition that i found:
“Radical acceptance is the practice of accepting life on its own terms and finding effective strategies to cope with whatever is happening. It doesn't mean being passive, but accepting "what is" with the understanding that you have the power of choice. Practicing radical acceptance is a choice that can ease stress and depression and enhance your overall quality of life.”

Out of all the strategies i am learning/have learned about to assist me, this is the one that i find the hardest. It's like trying to live your life without judgements but harder. Hell, all the strategies are hard, and some drive me batty just thinking about them. This one takes the cake. I have tried to add things to my daily mantra, such as the phrase “it is what it is”. I was depressed one time and i actually bought a cake with the saying on it and every time i had a piece of cake i was reminded. This method may not be advisable as you could possibly end up eating the cake by yourself, but it sure did help me. There are some examples that come to mind, where i used this and it actually reduced mental anguish and anxiety. Eg. Not getting riled up or upset about scheduling issues at work, having a day where everything seems to be going wrong, accepting that you don't really like a dear friends boyfriend but still trying to remember that it is her choice who she is with, understanding that there will always be some type of drama within your immediate family. Like i said, some of these are easier to work on and deal with then others, but it's the fact that you notice and are trying to make a change in your life. Small steps eventually will lead to giant leaps, and sure there will be the occasional set back, but we all have those from time to time.
A good personal example for me was that i used to get riled up about the scheduling at work. I thought it wouldn't be that hard to do and it's all about timing and making everything go together smoothly without disruption of a well working wheel. I never understood why one person would have lunch at one time and then the next day it would be at a totally different time. It got to the point where it drove me batty.... so batty, i ended up getting sick from stress and drama that i had riled up myself. So i went to my therapist and said, “I need to learn how to deal with this so that i am not getting sick about something i have no control over, or power to change.” She calmly looked at me and said, “This is a perfect time to practice radical acceptance. You can't change anything about the situation. You have no power regarding it. It is what it is. The time spent worrying and thinking about it gets you more upset you and angry. Is it really worth putting that much energy into when all it does it make you upset and angry, and then you get more upset and angry when you vent about it or re-hash it.” So i took those words of wisdom and changed my approach to the way things were carried on at work. When someone would/does ask me “Why are you working that shift? Why have they got you coming back at such and such a time? Etc.” I simply just say “I don't know” and put my hands up in the air in the all around sign for i don't know, maybe throw in a shoulder shrug to complete it. Now sometimes i say it with attitude or roll my eyes, but in the end that is not the appropriate thing to do because it conveys my displeasure of what is going on..... That's where judgements come into play, and i am trying to work hard on them as well. Judgements occur every minute of everyday of our lives. Whether we are judging ourselves, family, friends, co-workers or anyone else we have contact with. The point is to notice that you are making them and re-phrase the statement to exclude the judgements. A wise person summed it up as using only “Facts and Emotions”.
Eg. (This commonly happens to me!) You're driving on the road and a person turns in front of your car when they clearly do not have enough time or it's not their right of way. I usually say something like, DORK!, IDIOT!, MORON!, or a long list of expletives depending on the severity. I should notice that i am judging, which i usually do, but then the next step is to take the judgement and re-frame it. So only using facts and emotions, re-framing the above (single word statement) “It makes me angry when people swerve in front of me on the road.” It's the long version but it is non-judgemental.