Dear Reader,
I did one of the silliest things that I have ever done last night. I actually met up with a guy from my past, our history was bad, and then brought him home without my dad knowing. I feel uber guilty for what I did, and a few people are disappointed with me, most of all I am disappointed in myself. Letting this person in my house while dad was sleeping was a huge sign of disrespect for my father. I am not going to tell him because he would lose it right now if I did and that would be the end of me probably. I told two people that are close to me and they are not happy with the decision I made and quite frankly neither am I. I thought this person had really changed and was trying to be different, but I am going to say this to you reader…. I am very fragile right now. For those who know me and have talked to me they know the reasons, for you reader I will just keep it in easy going terms (…I am fragile).If you reader asked me why I did what I did, I can’t really tell you what possessed me. I was so anxious that all I could do the entire time was shake like a leaf. Nothing happened and my 2nd virginity is still in tact. Maybe I was trying to rebel, maybe it was impulse, maybe it was something I don’t really know or understand yet. The first step is admitting that I did something wrong, and I fully take responsibility. The second step is making sure I don’t find myself in the same situation with the same person. This might be hard but this is where I need to think about myself, what I can handle and what the future may lead to. For myself I need to say no because I need to have confidence, dignity and respect for me so that I don’t put myself in that situation again. The idea of being able to handle the situation is out of the question, I plain out cannot handle it or the drama it will bring. For the future I think this would lead me in the wrong direction, make things at home worse then they already are with my dad, and it could lead to me getting burned.
I have to be strong and stand up for myself, and that’s what I need to keep repeating in my mind. I have to think of how an adult would handle the situation, and I clearly did not handle it like an adult. I handled the situation like a rebellious teenager. A rebellious teenager I am not. Sticking with my beliefs and ‘guns’ is what will make me stronger and let me learn from this situation, and that’s what I have to do… no other options with suffice.
I did one of the silliest things that I have ever done last night. I actually met up with a guy from my past, our history was bad, and then brought him home without my dad knowing. I feel uber guilty for what I did, and a few people are disappointed with me, most of all I am disappointed in myself. Letting this person in my house while dad was sleeping was a huge sign of disrespect for my father. I am not going to tell him because he would lose it right now if I did and that would be the end of me probably. I told two people that are close to me and they are not happy with the decision I made and quite frankly neither am I. I thought this person had really changed and was trying to be different, but I am going to say this to you reader…. I am very fragile right now. For those who know me and have talked to me they know the reasons, for you reader I will just keep it in easy going terms (…I am fragile).If you reader asked me why I did what I did, I can’t really tell you what possessed me. I was so anxious that all I could do the entire time was shake like a leaf. Nothing happened and my 2nd virginity is still in tact. Maybe I was trying to rebel, maybe it was impulse, maybe it was something I don’t really know or understand yet. The first step is admitting that I did something wrong, and I fully take responsibility. The second step is making sure I don’t find myself in the same situation with the same person. This might be hard but this is where I need to think about myself, what I can handle and what the future may lead to. For myself I need to say no because I need to have confidence, dignity and respect for me so that I don’t put myself in that situation again. The idea of being able to handle the situation is out of the question, I plain out cannot handle it or the drama it will bring. For the future I think this would lead me in the wrong direction, make things at home worse then they already are with my dad, and it could lead to me getting burned.
I have to be strong and stand up for myself, and that’s what I need to keep repeating in my mind. I have to think of how an adult would handle the situation, and I clearly did not handle it like an adult. I handled the situation like a rebellious teenager. A rebellious teenager I am not. Sticking with my beliefs and ‘guns’ is what will make me stronger and let me learn from this situation, and that’s what I have to do… no other options with suffice.
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