FUCK Those That Think They Are Better Than You.....

Dear Reader,

I am not in a happy mood. I have been antagonized yet again on my weekend and I therefore dislike my father even more then last weekend. He lives in total double standard land and I am beginning to hate him once again in my life. When I was younger my dad and I never got along, we hated each other, hard to believe but true. Never talked much or anything, then when I started dating guys and trying to separate myself from the, what was once a, family unit the proverbial shit hit the fan. What little A conversation we had was spent yelling, cursing and dispising each other. I have always wanted the dad that I could talk to and he could talk to me. Then when I decided I could not stand my mum's extracircular relationship I chose to go live him. For the first time ever we got to know each other. We shared certain tid bits and got a better father/daughter relationship. Now, since I have been out on my own for a year, he has gone back to the self serving asshole he was before. He never supported me moving out on my own and he probably still doesn't. He degrades me constantly and now that I am getting a back bone and starting to stick up for myself he doesn't like it... boo hoo. I didn't like not having a good relationship with my father but that's what I got stuck with and any changes have been made by me not so many have been made by him. So after all this I begin to think to myself, how worth it is having a relationship with a parent that doesn't really care how they treat you or are so unsupportive that it is painful? I have pondered this a lot this morning and I am beginning to think that it's not worth the time, effort nor sadness. I have been so anxious when having to see my dad this weekend that I have reverted to having that calming cigarette before having to deal with the tyrant. Bad habit I know and eventually I will quit having my occassional smoke but it's pretty sad that I have to revert to that just to get calm so I can deal with him. His selfish attitude disgusts me, his double standard ways frustrate me, and most of all his degrading language towards me angers me to the point of violence sometimes. I have to get to a place where I can handle such attacks on my self esteem and confidence and not even blink an eye. Unfortunately that is not the case at the moment but I am working my ass off to get there. Tonight was also supposed to be my going away dinner before I leave for Cayman Islands, which is happening in 5 days. If you really didn't want to spend time with me to have a going away dinner then why would you go to all the trouble of planning it and then being such a shit that I don't even want to share the same last name as you let alone area code. Just be honest and say I don't want to do anything with you. As much as the truth may hurt sometimes it's still the truth. Another issue that my dad has, telling the truth. Out of everyone and everything in my life the thing that I do not appreciate nor tolerate is lying/liars. My dad does both and he twists his story to fit what best suits at the time. FUCK LIARS, FUCK ASSHOLES, and last but not least, FUCK THOSE THAT TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP.