Parting is such sweet Sorrow - RIP Phil Dog

Dear Reader,

I have been on hiatus for the last month. I was in Cayman Islands end of Feb to beginning of March and then Las Vegas the end of March to the beginning of April. Some of my closest friends call me a world traveller. I don't feel that I have gained that status yet but I have done my big holidays for the year and now have to focus on getting a job and putting my life in order.

The main reason for me writing to you is because Thursday, I suffered a great loss. I came home from Las Vegas, to later in the day have to put my beloved Phil dog down. I knew when I saw him Thursday morn that things weren't good. He had lost a fair amount of weight and his eyes were sad and all he could really do was shake because he was so uncomfortable. I feel like I have lost my best friend or a family member. I still am going through the motions of telling myself that I did the right thing. I would never let him or any other of my pets suffer but to actually say goodbye was probably one of the hardest things in my life. I am plagued with feelings of guilt, sadness, depression, and frustration. I have to keep reminding myself that he isn't suffering anymore and that he is keeping a close eye on me from wherever he is. Phil's age was never really found out but we thought at the end he was probably around 12 to 14 years old. My dad, a veternarian, said that for a dog he had a long life so he was lucky in that way. Three months ago dad performed an extensive surgery to remove bladder cancer and it extended Phil's life by 3 good months. He bounced back from the surgery the fastest dad had ever seen, he was back to normal within 10 days....incredible recovery time for something that was so invasive.

The story of Phil began when I was working at Petcetera in Newmarket. I was a worker there and my main area of concentration was in the adoption centre. I saw and took care of lots of cats, but on the day that I quit Petcetera, I had discussed with my mum that there was this dog, Phil, that had been in the adoption centre and I could not leave him because he would surely be put down if he went back to the kennel again. When mum met Phil sparks flew and he was my 'leaving present' from Petcetera. On the way home I remember we were on Davis Drive in Newmarket and I was hungry so we stopped at Mc Donalds. I got some food and I asked mum if Phil could have some burgers as well. That was the beginning of his fascination and love for Mc Donalds cheeseburgers. He gobbled them down and was quite content for the rest of the ride home. Phil and I had a special bond and my mum truly believes that the reason and purpose I worked at Petcetera, even though it was for a short time, was to meet Phil and eventually have him become part of our family. We had Phil for 8-9 years and we were able to provide him with some of best care and love within those years. Spoiled with toys and treats, he later in life became a fashionista, wearing polo shirts and button up shirts. Some may think him wearing clothes was silly but it actually helped to tone down his anxiety, especially when there were storms. Not only was Phil very fashionable in his later years but he was a true lovebug. He would always come to me and give me hugs and shake my hand. An intelligent being with a heart of gold, Phil will always hold a huge part of my heart. He had the personality and character of a loving, caring dog, and didn't have a mean bone in his body. When I was sick, he would always stay with me and make sure that I was alright. Phil brought me a lot of comfort. Just knowing he was there would make the slightest difference in how I was feeling.

With him gone now, the farm house is very quiet. Jamie, his best friend and companion, (our other dog), wanders around lost and constantly looking for Phil. They spent so much time together, and to have him gone so quickly is giving her a culture shock. Since she has always been very close with my dad she is clinging to him a lot because what was familiar to her is now gone. She will never replace or be anything like the Phil dog, but she will have to behave better to get any recognition from me, Sometimes I think that I don't like her because she is dad's favourite, and I can imagine how silly that must be to read, Hell, it feels silly to write. Maybe eventually she will win what little room is left in my heart for her.

Phil was lucky and got to be put to sleep at home in familiar surroundings. Although I was not present when the deed was done, my mum, who I greatly thank, was there for him in his time of need. She said that Phil was very strong and that it was his time. I knew Phil would be strong, that was part of his character. He didn't fuss or anything when it came to be time, he just knew that his suffering would be over and that there would be a better place waiting for him.

One of my favourite quotes from Romeo and Juliet said by Juliet:
“Parting is such sweet sorrow.”

I will continue to love Phil dog til my days are through and he will never be forgotten. If anyone that reads this knew him, remember him by the good times that were shared. Remember him for who he was and what joy he created. Remember his favourite foods: Mc Donalds Cheeseburgers, cheese and crackers, buns, roast beef, etc. Phil, you will always hold a large spot of my heart and I will love you forever.

Love
Sarah