BPD

So i am reading this book called STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS. It's for people that are dealing with a family member/significant one/friend, etc. who has Borderline Personality. I have read the first few chapters and it's really interesting but in the same way it's scary. At one point or another i have possessed/done all of the traits and characteristics. I feel bad because i realize how much havoc i have wreaked on peoples lives. All my relationships ended horribly because of my illness. What makes me think and sad about that is that i didn't know i had. It's only in the last few years that i was diagnosed with BPD. I have been through a bunch of meds and take a large quantity just to stay stane or partially "normal". When i was initially diagnosed, it was very upsetting but it also explained why my range of emotions is so small and why i do some of the things i do. There was a time in my life where i hated my mum for 2 years, and my mum is so special and important to me. Some of the stuff i said to her was just plain brutal and cruel. I regret the way i behaved when i actually sit and think about all the shit that i did and said to her. I wanted to post this here because i just recently added the title "i'm mental so what" as a label for my posts. BPD is very confusing but if i read this book i might be able to learn how to deal differently (hopefully better). I have already decided that i want to sit down and ponder what some of my triggers are. I think knowing this information may be a step in the right direction on dealing with something before it happens. BPD is often accompanied by anxiety, depression, and some other not nice things. One thing i want to write though, People with BPD do not have multiple personality syndrome. It has more to do with experiencing a range of emotion containing : sad, angry, or nothing/blah. I also feel that i have trouble expressing and dealing with emotions, it's like i am scared to have feelings because i don't know how i will react. Crying in public is hard for me to do and when i do it at the movie theatre i feel like a giant ass. My mum, my biggest supporter, says that crying is a good thing and that i should do it more often. I wish it was that easy. I understand that it might make me feel better with releasing it but for some reason i just have a hard time getting to a point where i can release like that. I need to stop reverting to bad habits for escapism, or if i want to escape do it in a more appropriate way. The book says there a bunch, like millions of people, that suffer from this. If i could reach one or get to conversing with one that would be an interesting idea. It might be cool to see how much we are alike and learn different techniques on how to deal with things. I am going to be doing some more research in this area, check out a suggested website and then give some feedback as to whether it is any good for someone with BP or someone trying to understand living with a person with BPD