Trust NO ONE

So i have been clean for 5 days, and just to prove a point i am not going to get st*ned tonight. Mum and Dad have supposedly put up a united front and want to be supportive which sounds great (on the surface). My mum wanted to send me to Homewood. Fine bring it on bitches! My dad 'gave me one last chance' to go clean on my own, which i have done for 5 days so far. They think that this one particular person is the disaster in my world, want me to ditch him, forget he even exists. I haven't said that i will do that. I have one friend "or so i think" that's what they say. My mum just wants to ship me off so that the problem is elsewhere and that's that. Dad thinks that because he gave me one last chance that he can talk to me like a degenerate piece of trash while putting on the mr. supportive face. I can see right through it now. So the lesson from tonight: Trust No One. I have been struggling and things haven't been so peachy keen but i have stayed straight, haven't made that phone call or anything. If i have to have the thought that he gave me one last chance and it hang over my head for the rest of my life FUCK HIM. He thinks he knows so much. Treating me the way he did in all cases was not acceptable. Fine I get the message and i am going to pull right back from them. I guess i will have to go to a generic help line when i need to talk to someone. Anger, rage, pissyness, all those negative feelings right now are what i am feeling. Can i say that i really trust anyone right now.... Nope. Those that i thought i did trust aka my mother and father, just lost it tonight. FUCK YOU. I can do this on my own and if they do anything i will fight back. I am not going to be their little puppy dog of a daughter anymore. They can find a new bitch boy/girl. It makes me sad that i can't even trust my parents but oh well, that's something that i will just have to get over. They think they are so high and mighty and that they can dictate who i do and don't associate with. WRONG AGAIN. We live in a free society where there is freedom of speech, expression and choice. Blaming someone else for problems that i have incurred and brought on myself, they are living in denial. I chose to make the decisions i did. I chose to smoke poppers. I chose to rather live in a non-real world where everything is numb. It's safe and that's the way i like it. Ok i'm not the most happy with it but it's way better then having to deal with two parents threatening me and harassing me. They want what's best for me but if this is their way of saying that then check your attitude at the door and try using some respect. My dad made a statement before this all went down, Gee you haven't been here for dinner in a long time. I wonder why... Everytime i see you i am given an ultimatum of who can be my friend and who can't, who i can associate with and not. At 26 you would think that i am old enough to choose my friends now, especially without the assistance of two loner parents. For example, my mum is in this loveless relationship that is just break up and get back together...wow that's a good example. My dad has no friends.... yet again, another good example. They don't want me to hole up in my apartment and do nothing yet they don't want me to go out with people either. Sounds fucked to me.

It is totally unnecessary to knock someone down when they are already skimming the bottom of the barrel and dealing with addiction. They need love and support. Saying 'you can't do this this' and 'don't fuck up' gets them nowhere. If anything it make me want to get that gram of pot on speed dial. Life isn't wonderful and so why not just go through pretending that you don't exist. My parents have put so much on me tonight that I REFUSE to call for pot. I will take a drink though. I can at least have that and not get in trouble or threatened for having one. Knowing my luck though they will say that i broke the rules and punish me some more.

TRUST NO ONE, that's all i can say. Look how far trusting the ones i love most got me.....