one giant bunch of horseSHIT

I want to say FUCK YOU and leave me alone. It's so hard. I thought she was my second very good friend and don't worry Bffffffff, she could never replace you! She and her boyfriend have turned completely. I can't do certain things because of restrictions put on me because i am out of control. They look at me like a taxi but because i am a friend and i have allowed them to treat me in not good ways because you teach people how to treat you, which i am guilty of putting up with it and now i am burnt out about it. I am disappointed in myself because i have allowed myself to be taken advantage of AGAIN and now my parental units have to clean up the mess, I feel terrible for them. They are stressed to the max, and all i can do is seem to screw up over and over again, or at least that's how i feel. I think they are jealous but they are hardly ever around. They don't like think the person and his crew that i am associating with. It's like the green eyed monster has reared it's head. The thing is they have chosen to stay away and distance themselves, and it's like i get penalized for that too, even though they chose to do it, i had no say. I restarted my appointments and am looking to go to detox. This is for real. It's fucking scary, let me tell you. I can't continue to live like this though, it's not good and i am not mentally sound. I am depressed most of the time and i don't want to do hardly anything. I question why i am here all the time. I just can't seem to get any self esteem boost. Those people i was referring to above are causing me so much stress. I get sick and tired of the b/f yelling and screaming at me whenever he feels like. Then laughing at me when i drove by in town is really childish and silly. Let's arrange for you to yell at me in person because i think that might be a little different. Anyone can say anything over a text message. It's an emotionless form of communication that is taking over. Interpreting texts is a rare art form and many people do not possess it. I am one of the people in the latter category, terrible at translating texts. I have to say i am guilty of writing full words too. I don't see the point in short forms, unless you are running out of space, otherwise though, i write every full word bc i might as well. The new eminem cd, recovery is absolutely wonderful. There are a lot of good collaborations and some of his best work ever. I have one of my flings that promised me a relationship now living in my town. Nothing has had with him and he's such a flop dick i hope he never does call me again. His promises were pipe dreams and bullshit so if you know what that concoction makes please let me know........... Stupid me that i thought that things would work out in my favour for once but no way. Nothing can go right for me.

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ

me – Hello?

Nazrine – hello?

So i let her up and she says that she was just driving by and thought she would get the rest of her stuff. She's giving me the cold shoulder and everything and says “Maybe we can talk tomorrow”and then gives the most limp dick hug.

Note= if you don't want to hug someone just don't, it's useless and feels worthless

I was going to the wedding with them but they have done some stuff that mum wouldn't be able to bare to sit across from them. It should be an interesting night. Once the shit hit the fan, i had to put my self out there and say NO I don't like this and it's not ok. They still are try ing to defend their actions and make me feel like shit so i am pretty close to shutting the phone right off and just having a me night.