please excuse the lack of punctuation and grammar

I have already fucked up. I have been out of detox 3 hours and i have already gotten high. I have to say i felt really disappointed when i went and saw my dad and he wouldn't even look at me. I thought i looked pretty damn clear and good. I feel guilty that i have already done a boo boo but there's a part of me that says I don't think it was that bad. I was in there to get away from my house and the pot, and then when i come home the first thing i do is to have a sesh. It felt good to be sober for a few days i'm not going to discount that but having this toke and talking with some friends was nice too. I missed my boys and it was good to see some of them and i'm sure that i will see more of them tonight. I am going to be totally honest and say that when i was talking to my discharge planner, I did say that i don't really want to totally cut my habit out of my life i just want to be able to manage it better. I don't think my parents would like to hear that though. They want me to say i am done with it and never will do it again. I am getting tired of trying to please my dad and getting nowhere with it. He's not happy with any thing that i do. I am going to therapy and trying to make serious changes and he just ignores it. Today when he wouldn't look at me that was pretty interesting as well. Like geez i went to detox to please him and mum and it's just not working. From detox i learned that i was able to conquer some demons and go sober for a few days. Now i have to carry what i was doing in detox to what i am doing at home. Writing this and getting all my thoughts and feelings out is a good improvement. I can then reflect back on what i have written and see what i was feeling at that particular time. I think this will help me to learn to deal with my emotions. If i can come here and totally vent all my cares away and i know it's a safe venue then all the power to me. If people choose to comment great, i want to hear what people have to say, positive or negative. I also hope that by me writing about my life and what i have to deal with especially with my addictions, that even a person can take a word away from my blog and leave the rest then i am reaching people/fans/ readers in a way that i want to, and that makes me happy. Since detox doesn't allow computers or anything i had to write manual journal entries, but i plan to post them on here. Give me some time and i will get 'er done! Dad just called and when i told him he was frustrating me and upsetting me he just said 'yeah, i know' and then expected me to just let it go. Why do i even try to impress him, it's an impossible feat. I just get more upset and degraded when it's not good enough for him but i am trying so god damn hard.