Waaaa Waaaaa Weeee Waaaaa!!!!!!!!!! Very nice!

So i keep telling myself, “One small step for man, One giant step for mankind.” (Buzz Lightyear (?)

I had a meeting with my addiction counsellor today and i made the giant leap (yep, sensationalizing this one!) and made a point to call Detox and get a bed for Sunday at 10 am. My counsellor helped me to arrange it and make the call from her office so that i wouldn't be alone to do it. She waved a magic wand and made the arrangements. I just have to make sure that i call and check in on Wednesday and Friday. I have it written in my dayplanner so that i make sure i do follow up. When i think about going i get anxious and worried. I have been in situations where i have been in a facility and been threatened therefore i am always worried when i have to go in. In the long run it will benefit me a lot. Get my head around it. Realize that if it doesn't work the first time, I can go again and I will know more what it is like. A place to go to leave my house which i currently associate with chilling and being social. I need to leave my surroundings and be without the possibility of getting pot for a few days. There is a program that my addiction counsellor wants me to try, it's acupuncture (which is needles) stuck in various points in your ear that effect urges, cravings and other areas of addiction. I am leary about that because i don't like needles but at the same time i really enjoy getting tattoos which involves needles as well. Weird, peculiar, strange, that's all inclusive. I am going to try it though, and if it works then that will be really interesting. I hope it's not a procedure like chiropractics, which your body gets used to and relies on being finnagled into place making the patient a 'hostage' customer, if you will. My legs start to bounce at a sewing machine pace. My fingers start to type faster. My mind starts to race. I can't even think straight to hardly continue typing. That probably explains why this post is taking me forever to write. I have to take a break every so often so that i can be mindful and come back to the here and now instead of anxiety (based on future thinking). When my DBT therapist told me that anxiety is always based on future thinking, it took me a while but i figured it to be true. When being mindful you have to focus on the here and now, and try not to judge what you are feeling or thinking. Both of these realizations were very important to learn and i am still practicing them. I am not into the routine yet of them actually being a second nature type of deal but that will come in time. If i can say that i practiced one of each, or said No to someone and stood my ground, that is a major step for me. Saying no is probably one of the hardest things that i have had to learn. The initial guilty feeling is terrible but once i get used to it and realize that i can say no, i get a little bit more self esteem and confidence to add to my collection. So from that i gather that i am progressing slowly but it's still moving forward.

I'm going to take a break! I'm going to do something!

Ciao for now!!!

xoxo