The Evolution of Sarah

I was productive today. Washed my sheets and my heating pad, made brownies this morn, made dinner this eve, did dishes this morn, and painted my nails a funk-a-delic yellow while keeping the black artsy thumb on the left and ring finger on the right.

So I sit here staring at the wall on a Monday night.

I randomly text a person from my past and he says that he'll get back to me when it's dark and his chores are done.

Did some research on a new drug called MDMA, that a few people i know are dropping like it's hot. You know i'm crazy but i'm not crazy enough to do that shit. This is a rave drug that has the ingredients of herione and some other compounds in it. My question is this, why at the age of 19 do these people find it cool to take drugs such as MDMA, Special K, and snort crack. Do they not realize the harm they are applying to their bodies. The MDMA keeps them awake and fidgetting constantly. Having to keep moving they chew the inside of their mouths to the point of bleeding. All this for a rush, a high that is like no other. Sorry folks i have heard that before and i'm not buying it. The side effects is a list that is a rolling scroll and the effects of withdrawl sound nothing short of horrible.

Now when i was 19 i drank, 6.5 years sober now. That was my thing though and yes, i was depressed. Many a time i tried to drink my problems and issues away....was it right...at the time it felt so. Afterwards, not so much. Many people ask me are you sure you don't drink? Yes, i'm positive. Wouldn't let the stuff touch my lips ever again, i made that a personal vow and i intend to keep it. Really though, lets be honest...when i was drinking did i gain anything from it? Yeah I danced better and forgot about the trivial problems that life threw me but they still came back. They didn't go away indefinitely. Family issues were still present. Boyfriends were still there causing the drama and i was feeding off it. It was like my own personal drug.

Today is different though. I live my life drama free now. When i go on a date i make sure to state my point and case that i am drama free and that's the way it is. Guys nod and say yeah me too but it makes me wonder when they start making sarcastic comments and rittling me with nasty words. They expect me to react, that's what they are looking for...a reaction. Try as i might, i can't give into their feeble attempts to make themselves feel better. Sure my dad can push my buttons and send me off the deep end, he was quite successful this weekend but i am getting to a point where i am starting and wanting to say NO. I make sure that I have a good belly laugh everyday. My stomach may hurt after but it's worth it. I am in a better mental state and frame of mind then i have been for years. I care less and less what people think of me as i evolve into my own person. Friends are few and fair between but the ones i have are genuine and i wouldn't trade them for the world. A very close friend i owe a great big hug and thanks to because she made me see the light. Now, as i am growing into a person that is stronger by the minute, i realize that life is too short and that you should

"Smile and laugh everyday for it may be your last".

Thanks to everyone that has supported and continues to support me. With out such backers i may not be changing into the person i am today.