F..Me PUMPS!!!!

Dear Readers,

I am not really sure the purpose of this post but I really felt the urge to write to you. Here’s the song:

FUCK ME PUMPS by Amy Winehouse (Album = Frank)

When you walk in the bar
And you’re dressed like a star
Rocking your F-Me Pumps
And the men notice you
And ya Gucci bag crew
Can’t tell who’s he looking to
Cos you all look the same
Everyone knows ya name
And that’s your whole claim to fame
Never miss a night, cos your dream in life?
Is to be a footballer’s wife
You don’t like players
That’s what you say
But you really wouldn’t mind a millionaire
You don’t like balers
They don’t do nothing for ya
But you’d love a rich man 6’2 or taller
You’re more than a fan
Looking for a man
But you end up with one-night stands
He could be your whole life
If you got past one night
But that part never goes right
In the morning you’re vexed
He’s onto the next
And you didn’t even get no text
Don’t be too upset if they call you a sket
Cos like the news every day you get press

You can’t sit down right
Cos ya jeans are too tight
And you’re lucky it’s ladies night
With your big empty purse
Every week it gets worse
At least your breasts cost more than hers
So you did Miami cos you got there for free
But somehow you missed the plane
So you did too much E – met somebody
And spent the night getting caned
Without girls like you there’d be no fun
We’d go to the club and not see anyone
Without girls like you there’s no nightlife
All those men just go home to their wife
Don’t’ be mad at me cos ya pushing thirty
And your old tricks no longer work
You should’ve known from the jump
That you’ll always get dumped
So dust off your Fuck… Me… Pumps…

Now lets discuss what we have just read and for me heard.

I like this song it’s got a nice tune and it’s really quite cute in a weird sort of way. To me it describes the life of a star who is always trying to keep up with the fast moving times. There’s drama, travel, drugs, fashion, and false passion. But with all this it makes me come to this one thing…high heels aka FUCK ME PUMPS. Now I have never worn heels, I know that it would be a mistake so I just stick with flats and I am fairly tall so I maybe I don’t need them. That’s my idea, supposedly in the fashion world FUCK ME PUMPS are a necessary item within your wardrobe and not just one pair but multiple pairs. A quote comes to mind, I can’t give it proper recognition because I don’t remember where it came from but here it goes “High heels were designed by men so that it made it more difficult for women to run away from them.” This could be very true, it’s kinda funny when you think about it too. The mental picture makes me laugh a fair bit.

Some other things that men have probably invented and women have come to use:
- Razors (shaving ones legs can be a pain in the bum, and with nicks and stuff who would want to go on a date with a girl that looks like she has been ravaged by Cujo the rabid dog)
- Corsets (women use these to plump up what breasts they have, the point being you have to lace them up to the point of not being able to breathe, how can you have a good time if you are about to pass out from lack of oxygen)
- Waxing (this is like the razor but it’s pouring a hot substance on your areas you want to be hairless and then you put a piece of cloth and rip the hair out, yeah that sounds fun, just sign me up for torture 101)
- Hair Removing Lotions (they smell really bad, no matter how you put it they smell really bad!)
- Make Up (the purpose is to cake it on as thick as possible so that when going on a date the person really only gets to see your perfect face, no blemishes or anything, another item that makes a woman totally superficial)
- Really Large Jewellery (supposed to be used to accentuate your outfit or certain parts of you, but really lets face it some of the stuff is down right GAWDY and you look like you are wearing your mothers mothers mother, ya her jewellery)
- The BRA (supposed to be given support to breasts, sometimes heavily padded to make it appear like you have breasts…who’s idea was it to put wire in them??? That’s not very natural, but if you don’t wear one you are seen as being a floppy gorilla like woman.)
- The black cocktail dress (made to make a woman look beautiful but think of all the effort some women go through to get themselves into such an outfit. They wear corsets, control top pantyhose, granny panties with control top so that everything is held in place and non-movable)
- Control Top Pantyhose (yes I will admit that I have worn them but never again, and this I can promise you. Some of the most uncomfortable things to wear hence go bare legged without shaving your legs and you will really draw a crowd)
- Handcuffs (usually used in the moment of passion, sometimes women put them on but usually the men like to put them on women so they are held captive to anything man wants to do to them. NOTE – DO NOT USE IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH BEING MADE IMMOBILE!!!)
- The THONG/ G-STRING (these underwear to start off are really not comfortable but I have conformed and gotten used to wearing them. My question is who’s idea was it to stick a piece of fabric up a woman’s bum just so there weren’t any horrendous UNDERWEAR LINES, you might as well go commando because there’s hardly anything covering you up anyway, and it saves you having to wash these odd underwear shapes)

I have named a few good items that are just not fair that women have to wear. Wearing them is your choice totally, but if not the consequence is usually: unfriendly stares, impolite whispering, inappropriate gestures, etc. Why must we women conform to what men want. If I want to live in my pj’s I am going to damn well do it, so what if they are flannel or cotton. No flashy bits of lace at all, only sweet looking animals or cartoon characters with funny sayings. We as women have to like ourselves in the buff-ski before dressing up in these odd clothing items or using such strange products. When you like yourself in the buff then move up to the frumpy clothes. When you can pull them off then you can pull anything off!!!!!!! BE FREE WOMEN OF THE WORLD!!!!!