Ask me how i feel today?
Well, a good mixture of anger, confusion, blah, meh, and then there's my brain running thoughts constantly through my head.
I have a 'room mate' now. He's a sort of 'friend' and I couldn't see him go out with nowhere to go. Some, well most, think that i am being taken advantage of. I might be, I might not be. I don't really know what to say. One thing that happened 2 days a go is i had sex with him. I was impressed to a certain extent. Some things he needs to brush up on or 'learn'. It was kinda like porn sex what we had, there were a few change positions. I will admit that it was pretty hot though. It was random, it was a good demonstration of sexuality. We have been living in my apartment for 2 weeks and we had both thought about it and then we just decided that it was something we should try. I'm not going to go into anymore detail because some people might get offended and i would just rather not.
My mum went and had a talk with her therapist yesterday. She had a lot to talk about. Understandly, she finds my situation not good and she's just watching out for me like any good parent would do. She's concerned, she cares, she has gotten a negative read on the person staying with me and sometimes i really believe she is right. It's taken her a while to get to read people and the odd one will slip by the odd time but she's a good spotter in my life!
Things with my dad are weird. I don't want to say anything that will upset him or trigger him to have a tantrum but there's not really much to talk about. I am being honest with both my parents though and i feel a bit better. I'm not hiding or skirting around something if they ask i just tell them the truth. They are allowed to have their feelings just like any other person would have, but they have to realize that i am telling them the truth. Sometimes the truth is not pretty but it's the truth, things are just what they are. I don't know how to resolve the situation or tackle it. In a way i want it to be dealt with but i don't want to go through the upset it will cause .
I sit here at my laptop station writing to you while he plays the newest call of duty game. I chipped half the money because “i would like it and be able to play it”, haven't done that once and don't really care to play it. It's not my style. So as i writed this to you my brain is saying, man he's got it easy. Play games all day, eat, and whatever else. He doesn't pay for anything because he has no job, and i understand what that's like but there are some links he has to a possible job and he's just not following it. I wish i could get a job right now but several people say that i am too stressed and not physically and mentally able for a job. I would like to do something.............really..............please? The bonus of having some income and money of my own would also be a bonus. Then I wouldn't have to be so reliant on the mom and pop shop for monetary contributions.
Today is a hazy brain day. Things are running too fast and i am just stuck on the medium setting for the day. I need to start letting some things come out. I need to write more again. I need to vent to an audience, whether you comment or not, i know i have some followers. I appreciate all that you have done to stick with me through this long time of on and off posts. I know what it's like when you are following something and all you get is the same shit that you have already read 400 times. I need to get my act together, you are a silent audience, but i can still vent my stuff to you and feel better.
Like now, for example, i feel a little less stressed for the next 2 mins! And i'm going out for a smoke so that's another 2 mins!
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