Season of Emotion + Popper Chronicles Announcement :(

So my christmas eve and christmas day were fantab but boxing day is going to really be the shit!

CHRISTMAS EVE

At first i was worried about going. Hell, I even had a panic attack while driving down to the cottage, which is owned by my mum's boyfriend. Then i chose some good driving music and let all cares be released and i was just going to live out each moment that occured. No worrying anymore about the future or present, or how feelings could be hurt or whatever drama may come. After I got to the cottage and saw my mum and her smiling face i knew that i was going to be ok because she was going to be there for me if i needed anything: support, a hug, or just a smile. We carried in my stuff and i was immediately drawn to say hi to my nana. I have been of a bit of a weirdo and pulled back from her so i haven't seen her for what might seem like a eon. Hair done the same, nylons and slippers, and her classic pair of glasses perched on top of her head like a pair of cool shades. I said hi and then gave her a big hug that possessed emotions i didn't think i had were possible and then it flashed before my eyes what a jerk i had been and that i kinda miss having a nana. She was really good about it too, just acted like old times and that is was just like seeing me the day before. I was very impressed by her forgiveness. I can only imagine what type of strength that would have. I socialized with the bf and he was pretty cool too. (I had done the same to him. Yeah i know what's with me!) Mum was in the kitchen working away like she always done and making an old favourite of mine that had my taste buds watering hours after eating such a delicious meal. I assisted the bf with some computer stuff so that he has another piece of the world at his finger tips. Some people are so gracious when you are able to open another portal of the technological world to them. I'm used to it now so i can explore around at my will and do things, such as this blog. We watched a movie together... well i would say we watched about 3 mins of the movie together then everyone except me was in their own little naptime world. That's ok! I thought it was kind cute and family-like. Sleep was challenging and strange.

CHRISTMAS DAY

I woke up and made a pit stop at the bathroom before seeing anyone else. Good thing because i always wonder if i look like a decent morning person or a zombie looking type person. Went to the kitchen and mum and the bf were making coffee, and already starting another day of food heaven for me. Mum was even happier when i had saw her the day before, it's like every minute i was there my mum loved me more. It was a good feeling and one that i haven't felt for a logn time. We chittered chattered, and puttered around before and after breakfast. Simon, the cat, was our morning entertainment. (I love live entertainment!) We then decided to open presents to comply with christmas day family tradition. The gifts given and received were so thoughtful and interesting. That's something you can really learn about a person and how they are, is by the gifts they receive. Laughter was shared and silly faces were made while taking pictures of the days events started. Smiles and hugs were shared by all and it was yet again, another family moment. Then by the early afternoon i decided that i had better start making my trek back to the 'Bridge to be with dad for dinner and apparently he was going to 'whip my ass' at Scrabble. I thought that was very bold of him considering I am a lady of many words! Leaving was difficult because i just wanted to stay and enjoy some more familytime but I also didn't want to hurt my dad's feelings by not seeing him on christmas day. I asked mum to help me put my stuff in the truck for the ride home and that she did. She expressed how much she loved me and how important it was to her that i come up and spend some time with her. I love my mum dearly, and this moment really warmed my heart. Special, comes to mind and fits very well. Then i went home, had a nap and then went to the farm to spend some quality time with my dad on the farm. Before we helped each other with the food, we shared a big hug and the love felt in that hug was something i have never received from my dad as a parent. He's not emotional or understanding of his or other peoples feelings. But the hug felt like he was opening up to me and giving that genuine approval that i have been seeking for my entire life. Even though we hugged for a short period of time the moment passed slowly and was lovely to experience.

THE POPPER CHRONICLES ANNOUNCEMENT

I HAVE BEEN WITHOUT POT AND POPPERS FOR 12 DAYS TODAY. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. I'M NOT COUGHING UP NEAR AS MUCH STUFF AND I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL MY LUNGS AND BODY FEELING BETTER.I AM KIND OF SAD THOUGH AS I WRITE THIS, A FRIEND HAD GIVEN ME A GRAM OR SO FOR CHRISTMAS AND I HAD TO TAKE IT BECAUSE THEY INSISTED. I CAME HOME AND I THOUGHT I MIGHT BE ADVENTUROUS AND REWARD MY SELF WITH A LITTLE TASTE. I'VE BEEN DOING SO WELL AND I TRULY DIDN'T WANT TO DO THEM BUT I THOUGHT IT WOULDN'T BE THAT BAD. NOW THAT I HAVE DONE THEM I FEEL VERY GUILTY. I'VE LET MYSELF DONE. I WRITER THIS AND AM ALMOST IN TEARS. I DID 3 POPPERS AND THEN PUT MY THINGS AWAY NOT TO USE THEM AGAIN. YES I STILL HAVE MAJORITY OF THE WEED IN MY SECRET SPOT BUT I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH IT. I DON'T WANT TO BE DEPENDENT ON IT. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY WRITING MOJO, THAT I HAVE JUST GOTTEN BACK. SO I AM BEING HONEST AND TELLING THE TRUTH AND I AM GOING TO CALL MY MUM RIGHT NOW AND TELL HER AND SHE MIGHT BE VERY UPSET BUT I AM GOING TO TELL HER THAT I AM VERY SORRY AND REGRET WHAT I DID BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL (MORALLY) VERY GOOD RIGHT NOW AND I AM DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF. SORRY READERS, PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP FAITH IN ME, I'M NOT GIVING UP ON MYSELF JUST YET EITHER.